


Broken birds of a feather flock together

by afincf_tirwer



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Deceit is a slippery boi, Deceit you actual butt, Family Bonding, Friendship, Joining a family, Logan can be unbelievably awkward, M/M, Panic Attacks, Psychological Torture, Self Destructive Behaviour, So much angst, Sympathetic Deceit, could be gayer, he's working on it, i think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-01-13 10:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 40,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18466786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afincf_tirwer/pseuds/afincf_tirwer
Summary: Deceit misses being part of a family. Logan is a wreck. Roman doesn't think they care. Virgil cannot believe what he's hearing. Patton is trying to stop his family from falling apart.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I will add more tags as I figure out the direction of the story. I may have ships, I may not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will add more tags as I figure out the direction of the story. (I may have ships, I may not.) EDIT: I 500,000% have ships in this.

“You were wrong you know.” Deceit stiffened, he could picture Logan in his mind’s eye, arms folded, slight furrow between his brow and challenging look in his eyes. He turned from his heating rock and looked the other side in the eyes, drawing his hands together and grinning. 

 

“Logan, what a wonderful surprise, I didn’t expect you to visit me after what happened last time.” Logan simply raised an eyebrow and Deceit subsided, leaning back against the wall with his hands up in mock surrender. “You got me _Logic_ I’ll behave, no need to get so worked up.” 

 

“You know what you did by leaving me out of the equation.” Deceit’s widened his eyes in faux shock, preening internally as Logan took a step closer, moving further into his room, under his spell. 

 

“Why, I’m surprised Logan. You think your presence could have changed everything? I wouldn’t expect such arrogance from logic of all things!”

 

“Falsehood, you are well aware that my often superior mental capacities have led to my ego growing too large at times. Additionally, you are aware that in some ways your intellect rivals my own, yet you enjoy playing games with us, perhaps in an attempt to drive a wedge between us?” Logan watched as a brief glimpse of anger skittered across Deceit’s face and he catalogued it mentally, resolving to examine it further later. 

 

“You think that Thomas continually putting others before his own happiness is for the best?”

 

“Of course not. You are well-aware that I have no particular reason to side with the others outside of some misguided sense of loyalty. You were aware of this as you ‘benched’, Deceit smirked at the finger quotes Logan made, “me, so to speak. Your goal, like ours, is to protect Thomas and ensure his wellbeing and success before all others, so the question I have formed is thus: why, if your goals and hopes are so closely-aligned with our own, do you choose to act, in many ways, against us?” 

 

Deceit smiled, spreading his arms out wide even as he sought a way out of the conversation. “You, the boy genius himself, don’t have an answer to your question? Call Thomas and tell him I love him, I do believe the world is coming to an end!” Deceit gasped out, draping an arm over his head and chest, a move similar to Roman’s mannerisms, another fact Logan filed away for further analysis. 

 

“Please do not treat me in such a ridiculous fashion. You are not a child and you are obviously aware that I am not in possession of all the facts at all times. Furthermore-“ before Logan could finish his sentence he heard Patton calling his name and he was suddenly pulled into the dining room as Patton began to serve him pasta. 

 

“Thought you could skip out on good ol’ family togetherness did you Logan?” Patron grinned, bright and sunny and Logan’s thoughts were drawn to Deceit and the heat rock he kept in his room. _Perhaps Patton’s habit of literally exuding heat may assist in keeping Deceit warm._ He was so caught up in his plans that the entire dinner passed in a blur before Logan found himself outside Deceit’s room once more. 

 

“May I come in?” Deceit stretched from where he was basking in his heated rock and allowed the door to creak open, revealing Logan on the other side. Deceit’s heart twisted slightly when he smelt the rich scent of Patton’s cooking, clinging to the other side. 

 

“Whatever can I do for you Logan? Perhaps you wish to study me? I do have some fascinating-“ here Deceit flicked out his tongue to create a hissing noise “-features that I’m sure the boy wonder could appreciate.” 

 

“Actually. I was wondering if I could stay here for a while.” Logan watched, with a great deal of satisfaction when Deceit’s head snapped up and he seemed surprised, as if he’d expected any answer but this one.

 

“You are in possession of your own room, aren’t you?”

 

“Yes that is true. However, as you know, I am constantly telling Thomas to separate his work and play areas. If I do not do the same, I fear for my own work ethic. Not only that, but my leisure time is typically filled with recreational reading and while I have learnt to enjoy the other’s company, neither Patton nor Roman are good reading partners.”

 

“What about dear Virgil? I don’t believe that  _he_ of all people would be too loud.”

 

“You wouldn’t expect it but I find that Virgil often enjoys listening to his music loudly and this is one of those times. If my presence bothers you, I would like for you to tell me and I will ‘chill out’ somewhere else.”

 

Deceit rolled the idea around in his head for a while, leaving Logan in his doorway, holding his books under his arms. He glanced over at the other side, studying Logan closely for any signs of manipulation. Eventually he rolled over and his eyes slid shut, even as he gestured for Logan to find a seat. He basked in the heat of his rock, wishing the warmth would be absorbed more deeply into his skin. 

 

While anyone watching Logan would believe him to be totally immersed in his book, Logan was, in reality, studying Deceit closely, examining the other side in order to reveal more about him. He noticed Deceit pull a blanket closer around his shoulders and shiver slightly, despite him being directly under a heat lamp. Logan frowned, as far as he was aware, Thomas’ sides did not tend to get cold, it was impossible to feel cold when you did not exist in a physical sense. So that made Deceit’s actions even more intriguing. Logan was aware of his weaknesses and he knew that his pursuit of knowledge was one of his main weaknesses yet, to his frustration, despite identifying the flaw, he was unable to resolve it. He shook any thoughts of Deceit out of his mind as he returned to his book, quickly becoming absorbed in the gain of knowledge that was easily attainable. 

 

After a few hours Deceit stretched and rose from his rock, cursing internally as he realised he still felt cold, as if the rock had done nothing. It had become harder and harder to stay warm. He smiled at Logan, hiding his thoughts behind his expected persona. “As fun as this has been, I’m afraid I have my own secret plots to work on now, and you can’t be here to blab all my little secrets around.” Logan stood, gathering his belongings but before he left he paused. 

 

“You have a standing invitation to my own room.” Deceit stared openly at Logan, and he saw naked vulnerability painted over his face. 

 

“You would share your space with me?”

 

“Of course. It is only fair, if you allow me access to your room it would be unfair for me to deny you the same courtesy.” When Deceit didn’t answer Logan allowed himself a brief smile. “I realise our definitions of ‘fairness’ tend to differ, however if you were to visit my room, you would be welcome to discuss it with me. On top of that, do not believe I have forgotten how you dodged my question earlier, at some point I would like to return to that.”

 

Before Deceit could answer Logan had already left his room, and he lay back down on his rock, lost in his own thoughts, confused. Logan was the last person who should be extending him a hand. Logan was the bane of Deceit’s existence, offering his clear and rationalised views that contradicted Deceit’s own lessons. Not only that but Logan was a literal personification of _logic_ but what he had just offered seemed remarkably similar to frie- Deceit pulled away from the thought quickly, unwilling to get his hopes up. Logan was out to get something from him and Deceit was determined to find out what. 

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan realises that something more is going on with Roman than you would see at first, Roman hopes for and thinks he's lost a new dream and Deceit sees an opportunity and stifles his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am having a grand time here! If you spot any typos please tell me, thank and enjoy!

“What are you doing?” Virgil came swanning into Logan’s room without knocking but Logan was used to having his room invaded by the others regularly and didn’t even look up from his desk. Virgil crept closer and saw Logan’s desk was covered in notes on poetry and how it could be adapted to spoken dialogue. 

 

“I’m studying the topic for Thomas’ next video, Roman seems to believe that the entirety of the dialogue should be written in iambic pentameter and for now he will not be swayed, hence my research.”

 

“Why are you even indulging him, you know this is another one of his creative whims he will abandon when he thinks of the next ‘greatest idea ever’.” Virgil’s tone was dismissive and Logan realised, with no small amount of guilt, that he often sounded the same way when he spoke to the others. He made a mental note to add that to his ever-growing list of flaws. 

 

“While it is true that Roman tends to become distracted easily and that this idea is not logically sound, I am aware that while we may not implement this in every part of the video, it is still worth considering.” 

 

“Whatever you say Logic. Patton wanted me to tell you that we’re having ‘family movie night’ if you want to join us.” Virgil glanced over at Logan and was surprised to see conflict on the other side’s face. 

 

“I’m afraid I have a prior engagement tonight, perhaps another night.” Virgil raised one eyebrow but at Logan’s head shake he shrugged and went downstairs to tell Patton. 

 

“Gosh darn it all, that’s what Roman told me! Well I guess it’s just you and me kiddo, what are we watching tonight?” Virgil was still wondering what could be holding up both Roman and Logan at the same time. He wondered about ducking out of the movie night as well but Patton was looking so hopeful and had seemed so disappointed when he was told that the other two couldn’t make it that Virgil settled onto the sofa and curled up as Patton stuck on a Disney movie.

 

Meanwhile Roman slipped into Logan’s room quietly, hoping that no-one had seen him, his eyes rimmed slightly red but he plastered a bright smile on his face when Logan glanced up from his book. The look of open affection on the other side’s face made something in Roman’s chest clench tightly and he knew what that feeling was. He knew what it meant and something inside him broke when he realised that he had a new dream, one that would never come to fruition. 

 

“Roman?” Logan rose from his sofa and took Roman’s hand in his own, guiding him to sit down. “Are you feeling alright?” Roman snapped out of his thoughts and shook his head slightly, knowing that it was not the time to reflect upon his own issues.

“I’m peachy keen my logical bean,” before Logan could speak again, likely to dispute the flimsy nature of his excuse Roman continued to speak, “where did we get up to last time?” Logan’s eyes narrowed behind his glasses but at Roman’s pleading look made him hesitate and he picked up the book instead, turning to the bookmarked page.

 

“ It is odd how, when you have a secret belief of your own which you do not wish to acknowledge, the voicing of it by someone else will rouse you to a fury of denial.” Roman curled up, unknowingly mirroring Virgil as he listened to Logan read his book aloud as he followed along on the page. Eventually his eyes grew heavy and his eyes slipped shut, falling asleep to the soothing hum of Logan’s voice. 

 

Logan startled slightly when he felt Roman’s head slump onto his shoulder and he glanced down and noticed with surprise and alarm that Roman’s eyes had dark shadows beneath them. He began to study the other side more closely and noticed the stains of ink on Roman’s hands and one high up on his neck. Logan’s mind began to whirr as he recalled that Roman was the most meticulous in his physical appearance than any other side, always ensuring he presented his best face to the world. If he was neglecting his physical appearance then what about his mental state? Logan carefully reached an arm out to the side to retrieve a blanket and pillows as he made Roman as comfortable as possible while he moved to his work desk.

 

He pulled down a red and gold notebook and began to write, the soft scritch of pen on paper filling the room and Logan became completely absorbed in his task, not noticing as the hours ticked by. He was startled out of his thoughts by Roman being to fidget in his sleep and he turned away from his writing in concern as Roman’s wriggling soon turned into thrashing. He moved from his desk immediately mind racing as he began to run through the ways to wake someone from a nightmare with the least amount of distress possible. He knew that Virgil would likely simply yell for the person to wake up but he feared the effect of loud, sudden noises on Roman’s psyche. Patton would likely gather the person up into a hug but Logan knew that constricting the other side’s ability to express himself, either creatively or physically often led to injuries and then crippling guilt. Logan was unable to decide what would be the most logical and effective way to wake Roman up without causing harm to either himself or Roman and he stood there, deliberating even as Roman thrashed.

 

All of a sudden Roman let out a truly distressing whine, long, high and loud, a noise that Logan would never have conceived Roman to even have the capability of making and this was the catalyst for Logan to react. He reached out, lightning fast and grasped Roman’s wrists firmly, forcing him to lie still before leaning in to speak directly in Roman’s ear.

 

“This is a fabrication of your mind, you are aware, at least subconsciously that it is merely a figment of your imagination. I need you to wake up Roman. Wake up!”

 

Roman startled out of his sleep violently, hands being yanked out of Logan’s grip as he shot up straight, eyes wide and panicked. His gaze landed on Logan and he pulled the other side into him, gripping his arms tightly enough to bruise. Logan opened his mouth to protest but the desperation in Roman’s face caused him to pause and he only reacted when Roman roughly untucked his polo in order to shove a hand up his shirt. He felt the other side’s hand on his chest and he realised what Roman was seeking, his heartbeat, proof he was still alive.

 

“Here.” Logan moved Roman’s hand from his chest carefully, guiding it up to press two of his fingers against his throat, “you can feel it more strongly.” Logan watched as the panic began to fade from Roman’s eyes and his breath began to even out. “Would you like to join Patton and Virgil in their movie night?” At Roman’s nod the two walked down and Roman visibly relaxed once he was in Patton’s presence, being fussed over and a mug of hot chocolate being shoved in his hands, and another Disney film being put on. Logan watched carefully and the tension seemed to seep out of Roman’s shoulders and he turned to leave when he saw that Roman was being cared for.

 

“Where are you going mister?” Logan paused when he heard Patton’s voice and his head tilted to the side as he answered.

 

“I thought I would return to my own room. Roman does not appear to need my assistance any longer and I have a few things of my own to attend to-” Logan was cut off as Virgil grabbed his arm and yanked him down abruptly.

 

“If you go now Patton’ll whine that you missed out on family bonding. Just stay and enjoy the movie.” Logan twitched as he thought about the work he had yet to finish, the experiments he was still conducting and the tasks he had set himself. Then he looked at the hopeful faces glancing at him, Patton’s bright sunniness that would dim if he walked away, Virgil’s fear that he’d done something to drive Logan away and Roman’s vulnerability, so rarely seen and he released a breath.

 

“Very well. I suppose this activity could be seen as assisting with one’s mental health.”

 

“You’re darn tooting! Here!” Patton pressed a warm mug in his hands and Logan settled into his seat, consciously relaxing his shoulders to convey the illusion of contentedness even as he worried about his tasks. He was aware that there was no physical object making a sound but he could hear the steady  _ tick, tick, tick _ within his chest.  _ I will work late tonight _ , he promised himself, pretending to focus on the film to avoid concern from the others.  _ I will not fall behind. I cannot. _

  
Deceit’s mind was whirring a mile a minute as he pondered what he had just witnessed and how it could be used to further his own agenda and how it could help him in discovering what Logan was up to. He’d been on his way to speak with Logan when he’d heard Roman’s nightmare and he’d moved closer to the shadows as Logan guided the shaken prince downstairs for _family bonding_. Deceit sneered at the thought, pulling away from the tiny voice that wondered if it would be so bad. He shook himself roughly, slinking back to his room, trying to ignore the niggling voice at the back of his head, _Virgil did it. Why can’t I?_


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deceit you actual butt, quit it.
> 
> Still having a grand old time, hope y'all enjoy!

Logan sat at his desk with only the weak light of his lamp to illuminate his work. Patton was well-aware of the other sides’ habits to overwork themselves and had recently imposed ‘sleep hours’ on them all. Logan attempted to protest, arguing that none of them were actually required to sleep Patton simply tapped him on the nose with a wooden spoon and his soft brown eyes were so hopeful that Logan couldn’t bring himself to argue any further. However, his giving in meant that if one of the others spotted his light on he would earn himself a lecture and more big sad Patton eyes. He paused for a moment, rubbing at his eyes and taking a drink of water to try and ease the aching in his head. He heard a soft knock at the door and he made an acknowledging noise so the door creaked open to reveal Deceit on the other side.

 

“You don’t look like you’re having the best time here.” Deceit watched as Logan brushed a few of his notebooks into a drawer before locking it. He noted it down internally, thinking he would return to the idea later.

 

“I am merely attempting to catch up on my work schedule, there were some uncontrollable obstacles that hindered my work day, meaning this is the only time that I may catch up.”

 

“So you find your family to hinder you? You think that if you had skipped out on your  _ family movie night _ you would have completed the tasks you set out for yourself?” Logan scowled as he watched Deceit lounge on his sofa, making himself comfortable even as he began to weave his lies.

 

“You know full well I did not say that. Though I have offered you use of my room, I would ask that you not disrespect my offer by implying things you know full well not to be true.” Deceit merely smirked in response, the smile caused something in Logan’s stomach to twist and his brow furrowed. “You are pleased by something? Do you think what I said is incorrect? You are the one who deals in half-truths and naked lies.”

 

“And you wouldn’t know anything about that would you Logan? You have nothing to hide from any of the others do you? As you said, I deal in lies, I breathe them in, absorb them into my skin,” Deceit’s tone turned into a childlike sing song, mocking Logan outright, “I know what you’re hiding.”

 

Before Logan could react Deceit grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer so they were nearly touching. His eyes were sharp and focused as he rolled up the sleeves on Logan’s jumper, eyes dancing in delight as Logan struggled to get away, to hide from the truth.

 

“My my Logan, trying to escape the truth? Whatever would dear old Patton think?” He pulled the sleeve up fully and grinned, dark bruises painted the pale skin on Logan’s arms, bruises that were strikingly similar to handprints and from the commotion he had heard the earlier, he knew exactly who had caused the bruises. Logan had stopped struggling, head bowed in defeat and Deceit leaned in for the kill. “You, the boy genius himself, knows exactly how long it takes for bruises to form-”

 

“Contradicting popular belief bruises can take over 24 hours to form, though the extensive purple colour can occasionally form in a few hours.”

 

“-knew you could get through that movie night without anyone noticing. Nobody would notice if the most diligent side chose to retire early, nobody would even think to question it. You’re protecting him. Why?”

 

“You know why. You are fully aware that people cannot be held accountable for their actions while in a subconscious state and you are knowingly attempting to upset me. Why?” Deceit pulled away and Logan noticed the anger on his face as he stormed out of the room and to his surprise, crashed directly into Roman. He wondered if this was fate as Roman recovered his bearing and burst into action, limbs tensing in preparation for a fight.

 

“What were you doing in Logan’s room?” The tone was sharp and challenging and Deceit smiled, a nasty, sneaky, manipulative smile as he blinked innocently up at Roman.

 

“Why, I was simply talking to him. We were having a lovely conversation if you must know.” He feigned nonchalance as he examined his gloves, peering at Roman and taking delight in his confusion. “You should ask him about his  _ secrets _ .”

 

“Logan doesn’t conceal things from us! If you weren’t aware, Logan trusts us, we’re family.” Roman didn’t notice how Deceit’s nonchalant demeanor faltered for a moment before he recovered himself.

 

“Oh  _ Roman _ ,” the faux sympathetic tone set his teeth on edge as Deceit prowled closer, “have you retained nothing I tried to teach you?” Roman tried to recoil but Deceit gripped the back of his neck and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “takes a liar, to know a liar.”

 

Roman shook him off, his face a mask of fury as he barged into Logan’s room, not bothering to knock, caught up in his anger and Deceit slipped in after him, content to watch the show. “Logan, Deceit seems to think you are hiding something-” Roman’s voice cut off abruptly as he spotted the dark purple bruises that littered Logan’s pale arms. His eyes flicked up to meet dark blue and he saw the truth in them, remembered what he had done in his panic, remembered how he’d, what he’d-

 

The noise that escaped his throat was broken and raw and he turned away, unable to meet Logan’s eyes, unable to stay for a moment longer. He raced out the door even as Logan’s voice called out for him to stop, for him to wait. He could hear footsteps chasing him and he whipped into his room, catching a glimpse of Logan, reaching out a hand, trying to explain, even as Roman’s door slammed shut and vanished.

 

Logan stopped in shock, staring at the place where Roman’s door had once been, unable to process what had just happened. He didn’t move, standing in silence as he began to run through the events, attempting to make sense of it all. Roman had come in suddenly and spotted the bruises, he had seen something in Logan’s eyes that confirmed his fears and ran. But why had Roman burst in, no one had come into Logan’s room suddenly since Patton had caused him to drop one of his test tubes, ruining an experiment and causing a noxious cloud that had lingered for weeks. So why had Roman- Logan’s blood ran cold and he walked back to his room, short measured steps and he saw Deceit slipping away and his temper rose to the surface rapidly. Deceit had never seen Logan’s face turn that red before and he took several steps back as Logan advanced.

 

“You knew exactly why I kept those bruises from Roman-”

 

“Of course I did, it was the  _ logical _ decision after all. It was rather deceitful however, you can’t blame Roman for reacting badly.”

 

“How could I blame Roman for something that is clearly your fault?” Before Deceit could respond Logan turned around, back stiff and rigid as he walked away only glancing back to spit out. “Don’t come back to my room again. Virgil was right, there really is no use reaching out.”

 

Deceit stood in the hallway for a long time, silent and unable to move. His gaze was focused on Logan’s door, painted white and covered in a glossy coat to “protect it from water damage, however unlikely that may be”. Logan had-, he had- Deceit took a shuddery breath, feeling colder once again, knowing that he couldn’t go back to Logan’s room left something in him feeling empty.

 

Meanwhile Patton was sitting with Logan at the dining table, serving a large portion of lasagne to Logan, chattering about how he needed to keep his strength up if he wanted to continue learning new things every day. Logan let it wash over him, the words of encouragement as his thoughts moved back to Roman and Deceit. The look of horror in Roman’s eyes, the look of hurt in Deceit’s eyes, he couldn’t focus on Patton and the meal. He didn’t see how Patton’s voice shook when he tried to keep the flow of conversation going. He didn’t notice how Patton kept glancing over at Virgil and Roman’s empty seats. His usual focused, meticulous and analytical brain was focused on a single thing, not seeing the pain that flickered across Patton’s face as his next attempt at conversation was brushed off.

 

“Thank you for the meal Patton, I don’t know what we’d do without you.” Patton tried for a smile, managing to conjure something that resembled a weak version of his normally bright grin but Logan was too preoccupied to notice.

  
_ Would they even notice? _ Patton shook the thought away as quickly as it had come but he couldn’t help it when his mind wandered back to the past two days, how their family activities were becoming more sporadic, how they all seemed to be retreating into themselves again.  _ Is there even a family left that’s worth fighting for? _ Patton’s hand curled into a tight fist and let a few tears fall, staining his cheeks as he tried to dispel the thoughts that haunted him.  _ If there’s no family left, what use is the heart? _ Was the final nail in the coffin and Patton abandoned the empty, lifeless kitchen for his empty lifeless room but at least there he could cry in peace.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan gains some clarity, Patton opens up, Virgil has his worst fears confirmed and Deceit causes more pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Self-destructive behaviour (please tell me if anything else needs to be warned about)  
> STILL HAVING A GREAT TIME, Hope y'all like it, please point out any mistakes.

Roman hadn’t come out of his room for days. Unless Thomas explicitly called for him at least twice, he remained holed up in his room, door no longer visible. Virgil noticed how it was affecting Patton, his normally sunny grin was fading, and he stopped trying to draw the others out of their rooms. He seemed content to sit in the kitchen, by himself, hands wrapped around a warm mug, gaze far away and it was starting to scare Virgil.

 

Not only was Patton acting strange, Logan had gone completely off the rails himself, his door was permanently locked, a light on at all hours and he barely left his room not even when Virgil stood outside knocking for hours. Deceit was creeping around even more carefully than usual, avoiding Logan at all costs and to make it all worse, Logan was acting like Roman. While it was true that Roman did get on Virgil’s nerves, he didn’t mind the other side’s behaviour, but to have the physical embodiment of logic behaving like Roman on his darkest days...it was concerning and unnerving. So unnerving that Virgil decided to get involved. Even if getting involved made his stomach flip unpleasantly.

 

He hammered on Logan’s door, loudly and deliberately off-beat, he could picture Logan’s face, trying to focus on his work, turning to look at the door, looking back at his work, muscles twitching and- the door snapped open and Logan loomed in the doorway, face taut with frustration. Virgil congratulated himself internally and grabbed Logan’s wrist before he could protest and dragged him down the stairs. Before they entered the kitchen Virgil motioned for Logan to be quiet and though the other side scowled at him, he subsidised. 

 

“Look.” Virgil murmured, voice impossibly soft as he pointed at Patton who was sitting at the table with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, mug in his hands and gazing at a fixed point far away. “He’s been like this for five days Logan. Because of you and Roman and you need to-” Before Virgil could finish Logan had walked straight into the kitchen and tapped Patton on the shoulder.

 

“Logan! You came out of your room, that’s just great, I’ll get cooking, we need to have a celebratory dinner!” Before Patton could move Logan placed his hands on the other side’s shoulders and dark blue met light brown. Patton’s head cocked to the side in confusion and Logan sighed forcefully.

 

“I must apologise to you,” when Patton tried to speak, likely to protest, say that there was nothing to apologise for, Logan cut him off. “Please let me finish. Virgil made me aware of the fact that my continual absence over the past few days has led to severe distress for you and I should have been more attentive of your needs. WIth that said, I am deeply sorry for any and all distress I have caused and I will strive to avoid causing unnecessary pain in the future.” Patton’s eyes were shining with tears and he tackled Logan in a tight hug the moment he had finished speaking.

 

“I forgive you Logan! I know you guys have your own issues to handle and sometimes you just get caught up in other things and forget about my family dinners. I just wish…” Patton trailed off and he sighed before continuing. “I just wish you would come talk to me from time to time. It seems you forget that I’m Thomas’ heart, I want to help you all but I can’t do that if you don’t let me.”

 

Virgil’s gaze flickered to the floor and a pang of guilt shot through him when he realised how often he brushed off Patton’s concerns but he left the others to talk and he stood where Roman’s door used to be and began to yell.

 

“Roman! I swear to god if you don’t come out of you room right now I’m going to hunt you down and kill you!” When he got no response he growled and kicked the wall but before he could try again, a silky smooth voice interrupted him.

 

“Is the wonderful prince not returning your calls? How that must hurt you, whatever shall you do?” Virgil turned and looked at Deceit’s smug face and saw red, shoving the other side against a wall roughly enough that Deceit’s breath was knocked out in a huff. He didn’t stop smiling however, “oh Virgil, did I touch on something uncomfortable?”

 

“Shut up. I know you have something to do with Logan and Roman’s weird behaviour, what did you do?” His voice lowered to a hiss and Deceit’s eyes narrowed and a scowl set firmly on his face.

 

“Isn’t that the kind of question friends ask each other Virgil? Last time I checked, we’re not friends because after all, I’m literally known as Deceit. It’s not like that’s a name your friends gave me.” 

 

“It’s not like  _ I _ forgot your name!”

 

“Seems like it sometimes  _ Virge _ . Forgotten my name, forgotten me.”

 

“Quit it  _ Ethan _ . Even if I did leave, I never forgot you. You pushed me away, just like you push everyone away!”

  
“Oh but that isn’t true and you know it! You left me! You went prancing off into the sunlight and gave up on me! Left me! Just like everyone else does!”

 

“That’s a fucking lie! I came back! You know I did but you sneered at me! Didn’t let me in anymore, wouldn’t talk to me! How is that  _ my _ fault? You left  _ me  _ behind and-”

 

“We were supposed to stick together!” Virgil was cut off by Ethan’s scream and he stepped back, eyes wary. Shockingly, Ethan’s eyes seemed to be filled with tears, even as he continued to snarl at Virgil, “we were supposed to be a team, what did Roman call us? ‘The Dark Sides? Edgy but we were a family! You and me were happy together. Then you met  _ him! _ Suddenly you wanted to come out of the shadows, you wanted to help them, even if they turn you away at every single opportunity for each other.” Virgil felt a lump stick in his throat and his heart began to beat faster in his chest.

  
“Don’t.”

 

“Don’t what Virge? Don’t tell you the truth? Don’t say what you’ve always been thinking?”

 

“Please! Don’t!”

 

“Why not? You want to lie to yourself Virgil? You want to tell yourself that you’re  _ valued?  _ That they care about you?” Ethan saw the words forming on Virgil’s lips once more, saw the plea in his eyes, saw the soft vulnerability on his face and stamped down firmly on his guilt before delivering the killing blow. “You don’t want me to say that I would have been a better fit for that shiny happy family than you ever were?” Ethan watched as Virgil’s face crumpled and he fled to his room, locking himself away, retreating into himself in a way he hadn’t done for months. So much progress destroyed by a few bitter, angry words. Ethan managed to hold back his own emotions until he was in his own room and he began to tear the place apart.

 

_ Stupid-  _ his books came flying off the shelves-  _ thoughtless-  _ a glass went crashing into a wall-  _ cruel- _ Ethan crumpled to his floor not noticing when the broken glass dug into his skin as his heart thumped in his chest and he gasped for breath. Meanwhile Virgil lay on his bed, shaking as tears slipped silently down his cheeks and his mind whirred and replayed what Ethan had said over and over again,  _ “You don’t want me to say that I would have been a better fit for that shiny happy family than you ever will?” _ He choked out a sob and the two didn’t move for hours, curled up in the dark, alone and hurting.

 

Meanwhile, Logan was sat at the kitchen table with Patton, his hands wrapped around a warm mug of tea and a blanket tucked around his shoulders as he spoke, gesturing slightly as he tried to summerise the events the past few days.

 

“I attempted to extend a hand to Deceit,” Logan watched how Patton’s face twitched slightly but his smile didn’t waver, even if his hands curled around his cup more firmly. “I understand your wariness but I believe that his motivations are not so simple as we first perceive them.”

 

“Maybe not but I still don’t trust him, everything he says is mixed up with double meanings and I just can’t trust him yet. Plus, you wouldn’t be talking to me about this if it’d gone well.”

 

“You are perceptive as ever.” Logan rolled up his sleeves the reveal the bruises that still adorned his skin and Patton’s face fell into a frown as he trailed a gentle finger down Logan’s arms, the warmth sinking into Logan’s skin.

 

“I’d guess this is Roman’s fault.” Logan’s head snapped up from where he was watching Patton’s movements and he got a sad laugh in response, “oh Logan, Roman’s been having nightmares for years, and what is that you told me about fight or flight? That it’s deeply ingrained in the human mind and Roman certainly isn’t the type to flee. I’ve tried to talk to him but-” Patton cut himself off with a sigh and a shadow of worry passed over his face, causing frown lines to form on his forehead, “he thinks he’s admitting a weakness.” Logan reached out instinctively and smoothed a finger over Patton’s forehead in an attempt to literally brush away his worries, despite the illogical nature of such an action.

 

“Patton,” light brown eyes flicked up to meet his and Logan frowned, concerned, “how often are you burdened by similar things as Thomas’ heart?”

 

“Oh Logan you don’t have to worry about me, I’m a happy guy and-”

 

“Falsehood. I’d ask you not to try to deceive me.” Patton tried for a weak smile before continuing.

 

“When you experience strong emotions I’m often affected, Roman’s been affecting me for a while, I- I’ve never quite known how to deal with it but I can’t bother you like that-” Logan gripped Patton’s hands tightly, eyes hard and determined.

 

“You will not have to suffer through it alone. I will do my best to alleviate any stress caused to you. We worry about you Patton, you do not have to support us alone and have none for yourself.” As Logan spoke he stood up and Patton tackled him in a hug, eyes shining with unshed tears.

 

“Thank you Logan,” he took a step back and everything seemed to happen at once. Patton choked on his breath and crumpled to the floor, hand pressed over his chest and Logan dropped to his knees at once, ignoring the painful thud in favour of trying to examine Patton. “Lo, Lo I’m fine, it’s-” Patton heaved in a breath, “it’s Virgil.” A cold fist closed around Logan’s chest as his was visibly torn between staying with Patton or going to Virgil. 

  
A warm hand clasped around his and Patton’s eyes were firm and unyielding. “I’ll be fine, go check on him.” Logan examined Patton’s expression and realised this was Patton relying on him and he gave a short stiff nod before taking the stairs up to their bedrooms two at a time, his heart beating in time with his feet hitting the ground. He could hear the clock in his head,  _ tick tick tick, can’t be late _ and Logan reached Virgil’s door out of breath and terrified as to what he’d find on the other side. He pushed at the door and it creaked open, and Logan waited for his eyes to adjust to the gloom before his heart twisted at the sight before him. He rushed in, heart thumping with a mixture of anger and terror, illogical emotions but he pushed that out of his mind to focus on Virgil and the door swung shut behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES I THINK DECEIT SHOULD BE CALLED ETHAN RELATING TO ETHOS. While Deceit doesn't care about seeming moral, he cares about convincing people that he's right and how does he do that? By drawing heavily on respected sources and defending his viewpoint very easily so yeah, I think he's a great fit for Ethos and thereby Ethan.


	5. Chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan learns how to talk to Virgil, Roman is tormented and Ethan realises a few uncomfortable truths of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIYA!! Hope everyone is having as much fun as I am writing this, as always, please point out if I need to add any tags or correct any mistakes. Thank! And enjoy!

Virgil’s room was dark and almost silent. Almost silent because Logan could still hear the soft sniffles coming from Virgil’s bed even as he tried to hold them back. He approached carefully and gently touched the other side’s shoulder, causing him to snap up straight and his eyes widened when he saw Logan, immediately retreating into his hoodie, trying to hide his tear-streaked face. He took a soft shuddering breath turning away from Logan.

 

“I’m fine Logan, you can just head on downstairs and leave me alone.” Logan resisted the urge to roll his eyes, knowing that Virgil required more delicacy than he was typically known for.

 

“Please don’t insult my intelligence like that. I realise that I am not as well-versed in matters of the heart as Patton or Roman but I will do my best to alleviate any pain you might feel.”

 

“Oh because if I duck out again it might hurt Thomas?” Hard violet eyes met shocked blue and Virgil sneered at Logan’s confusion. “Don’t look so surprised, you’re  _ logic _ after all, if anxiety isn’t around then what will happen to your precious life schedules and plans.”

 

“That isn’t why I came to speak to you, Patton told me that you were experiencing strong negative emotions and-”

 

“Spare me your arguments Logan. You’re  _ logic _ first and foremost, like you actually care about anything except efficiency.” If Virgil had been looking at Logan he would have seen the hurt that clouded his eyes for a moment. He would have seen Logan ready to fire back another barb. He would have seen Logan compose himself, visibly remind himself to stay calm. But Virgil didn’t see the hurt and he was deaf to the slight quaver in Logan’s voice before he mastered his emotions once more.

 

“Please don’t-” Logan took a breath, gathering his thoughts before speaking again, “you are clearly hurt. We are concerned about you,” when Virgil made to interrupt, a sharp glare from Logan quietened him and he was surprised to see the conviction in his eyes. “I’m aware that you often feel as if we are lying in order to preserve your feelings and soothe your fears. I am also aware that you have never been forthcoming with details about your time before you were fully accepted by us. However, I would like for you to give me some credit and ask yourself, am I one to become sentimental without reason?”

 

Virgil hesitated but before he could speak Logan continued, “furthermore, do you believe that Patton is capable of performing well enough to deceive you for this long? And lastly, do you truly think that Roman would behave in a way that damages his reputation as an upstanding prince?” When Virgil didn’t answer Logan sighed and pulled him into a hug and Virgil went stiff, mind whirring as he remembered how Logan tended to avoid physical contact. The hug was stiff and awkward as Logan attempted soothing noises, that sounded highly robotic, and yet; Virgil felt part of his mind calm and relax, despite the strangeness of the situation. Virgil gently distangled himself from the hug and he managed to offer up a more convincing smile, a soft one that Logan knew was typically only given to Patton.

 

“‘M doing better now Logan, you can go if you want.”

 

“I understand if you are uncomfortable answering but what caused you to believe that our only concern is for Thomas and not you?” Virgil’s muscles tightened immediately and he shook his head firmly, eyes fixated on the floor and Logan hesitated. On one hand, he was nearly certain that he knew who had hurt Virgil so badly. On the other hand, he knew that pushing for more would likely cause Virgil to retreat into himself. On the other other hand, if he didn’t speak up would that mean he was leaving Virgil vulnerable to more anxiety-? Wait. Logan backpedaled in his mind and realised how many hands he had considered meaning that-

 

“-gan, Logan!” Confused blue eyes met amused violet, “you got lost in your head again pocket protector. Careful or you’ll drift too far into fantasy.”

 

“Preposterous. Nevertheless, I am pleased you are feeling better.” Logan made to leave but a gentle hand on his wrist made him pause.

 

“Could you- could you not tell Patton about this?” When Logan’s brow furrowed in concern Virgil elaborated, “tell him I’m okay now, just don’t tell him why I was upset? He’s done so much to make me part of you, I don’t want to- I can’t seem ungrateful.” Logan nodded solomly and as he slipped out of the door he heard Virgil speak again, “and- uh, thanks teach.” And if the nickname made something warm and illogical curl in his belly, well, no one but Logan ever had to know.

 

Meanwhile Deceit made his way to where Roman was hiding and knocked on the wall where his door should be three times, before waiting in silence. Roman answered after a moment, letting Deceit into his room without a single word, as if this was a regular occurence, as if Deceit was a regular presence in his room. Deceit’s eyes flickered around the room quickly, taking in the mess and Roman’s own appearance. There were dark shadows beneath his eyes and his walls were covered in ideas, scraps of writing, scribbled out ideas and his entire room was a mess. Deceit leaned casually against a wall, smiling at the other side as he examined his hand.

 

“What would Patton think about you working yourself up into such a state? Look at this lack of self care Roman, I thought you promised to adhere to the ‘sleeping hours’ Patton installed, does your word mean that little to you?” When Roman simply grunted without answered, Deceit slipped closer, still pouring out his poison, “of course I’m sure you heard Virgil trying to get you to come downstairs, what is you call him? Panic at the everywhere? I’m certain you’ll be glad to know that he was deeply hurt by you ignoring him and of course there’s Logan.” Deceit saw Roman’s shoulders tense up and he leaned away from Deceit slightly, as if he could make him stop talking. 

 

“Stop it.”

 

“Oh but you invited me here Roman! You know why I’m here, after all, do I not come to you when you’ve decided to lie to yourself? When you think deceit will get you out of trouble, get you something you want, so ask yourself Roman, what am I doing here? What are you trying to conceal from yourself, from the others?”

 

“I am not hiding anything-” he was cut off by Deceit’s raucous laughter, filling the room and causing Roman to feel nauseous.

 

“That’s so cute Princey, you think that you’ve managed to hide this from me.” Roman’s back went ramrod straight and Deceit spotted the slight tremble in his hands as he began to write on the board once more.

 

“I-”

 

“I’ve tiptoed through your  _ dreams _ Roman, I know what you want, I know who you love.”

 

“If I loved someone I would approach them and tell them, I have little patience for dancing around the subject and so-”

 

“Ah but it’s no ordinary love is it Roman? It isn’t someone you can just approach with your feelings, not him, never him. After all,” here a nasty smile crept over Deceit’s face as he watched Roman swallow, “the literal embodiment of logic would never find a place for someone like you.” Deceit was forced to duck when a whiteboard duster came hurtling towards his face and it left a large dent in Roman’s wall. 

 

“You are simply here to cause trouble and you plan to use deceitful means in order to upset me but I am a prince! I am in control of my emotions and secure in my place amongst my family.” Deceit simply sneered at him, tracing the dent in the floor with one pale finger.

 

“What did Logan read to you recently? ‘ It is odd how, when you have a secret belief of your own which you do not wish to acknowledge, the voicing of it by someone else will rouse you to a fury of denial.’ I think that having it said out loud  _ does _ distress you. After all,” Deceit eyed the dent in the wall, “if this isn’t a ‘fury of denial’ I could not say what else could equal this.”

 

“Get out!”

 

“Now now, is that any way to speak to a guest? Especially one who has just revealed such a profound truth? Tsk, and here I thought you had some semblance of honour-”

 

“OUT!” To his surprise, Deceit felt himself forced out of Roman’s room rapidly until he was facing a shut red door. He rolled his eyes, the drama of the creative side would never cease to amaze him, he turned to head back to his room only to come face to face with Virgil’s hard violet eyes.

 

“I know you’ve been trying to rip us apart and I swear if you keep trying to hurt my family I am going to make you pay.” Virgil’s tone was quiet and soft, almost gentle but the tight grip he had on Ethan’s wrist told a different story, causing slight unease, even as he arranged his face into casual indifference.

 

“Is it truly so bad if I reveal truths to people? Doesn’t your precious Patton tell us that honesty is the best policy? You would rather I leave people with their secrets?”

 

“You know not every secret needs to be told and that not everyone is always ready to reveal things. You aren’t trying to help anyone but yourself and you’re exploiting vulnerability to get your own way.”

 

“That’s funny. Roman didn’t appear too vulnerable when he threw that block of wood at my head-” Ethan was shocked into silence when Virgil shoved him roughly away and bolted through Roman’s door and he swallowed down the knot of hurt that formed from witnessing just how easily Virgil would push him aside for his new family.

 

_ Can you blame him? After all we’ve put him through, after everything you’ve done and said, can you really expect him to stay with you?  _ Ethan pushed those thoughts out of his mind as he retreated back into his room, ruminating over what Roman had inadvertently revealed and he wondered how Logan would take the news, perhaps he’d be shocked enough to reveal why he’d extended a hand, even if Ethan had burnt that bridge to the ground through his own idiocy. He began to pile blankets onto himself, despite the fact he already had the heat turned up high and a soft jumper on as well. Even so, he shivered slightly, uncomfortable and cold, even with the heat surrounding him but he forced his mind away from the cold to- Logan? Ethan groaned as he recognised the slight flutter in his stomach when he thought of Logan. It was the exact feeling he got when he thought of Virgil’s lips curving up into his secret, soft smiles. He buried his head in his pillow, even as the butterflies grew worse.  _ I am so fucked. _ Flickered through his mind as his mind helpfully reminded him that there were two bridges he had burned to the ground and then scattered the ashes in order to leave no trace.  _ It’s hopeless,  _ was Ethan’s final thought before he fell into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the quote is from the Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie.


	6. Chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil finally gets to the bottom of Roman's issues and he learns how to open up a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FORGOT TO MENTION!!! If any of y'all wonderful people want to come scream about sander's sides to me, my tumblr is afincf_tirwer and y'all are 10000000% welcome to drop into my messages or inbox! Also, here's a little fluff mixed in with the angst because the pain was starting to *hurt*! Hope y'all enjoy this chapter!!

Virgil slipped into Roman’s room quickly before the door disappeared again and he nearly recoiled at the huge wave of anxiety that hit him when he entered. Roman was standing at one of his whiteboards, hand trembling as he hesitated before putting idea to paper. His hair was disheveled and messy which was made worse when Roman ran a hand through his hair once more, muttering under his breath. Virgil noticed the dent in the wall, saw the tear tracks, saw the dark shadows under his eyes that rivaled the eyeshadow under his own eyes.

 

“Roman?” He watched as the other side’s head snapped around to meet his eyes, desperate green meeting steady violet but Roman drew himself up and plastered a grin on his face.

 

“Virgil! How wonderful of you to visit me! I assume you are here to bask in the glory of creativity so if you would sit down-”

 

“Actually, I’m here to ask you what’s wrong.” He saw the moment Roman’s walls came rocketing up, the moment he shut down, the moment he shut Virgil out.

 

“You think something’s wrong Charlie Frown? I must say you’re letting your own fears influence your mind, not everyone is as consistently dismal as you tend to be,” Roman let out a burst of raucous laughter, cruel and mocking but Virgil took a deep breath and moved past the hurt.

 

“Are you trying to be a jerk right now or is it just reflex?” Virgil noticed how this caused Roman to pause, and a slight hint of guilt passed over his face before he covered it up with another smile. “You aren’t okay, we aren’t blind Roman, you haven’t come out of your room in days, you’ve been avoiding us all, you’re spending more time with Deceit than anyone else and-”

 

“Didn’t we establish that just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean they’re incorrect? Perhaps, unlike you, I like to keep an open mind about things and have a civil conversation.” Virgil raised one disbelieving eyebrow as he glanced over at the large dent in the wall.

 

“Sure Princey, I’m sure all civil debates end with someone throwing a block of wood at the wall.”

 

“Did you come here for any reason in particular  _ Virgil?  _ Or was it just to needle me?”

 

“I told you why I’m here, you’re not okay and-”

 

“How can you say that? Do I not look perfect as usual? I spent a lot of time on my appearance Jack Smellington and I won’t have it criticised by an eyeshadow loving-”

 

“ROMAN!” The room went silent at Virgil’s yell as he rarely decided to raise his voice, usually opting for snarky quips and sharp comments. Wide green eyes glanced down and Virgil took another breath before continuing. “I get why you think you need to bottle it up, you don’t think you can be vulnerable but you know we don’t care about that and you have to know we’ll listen if you need to talk.”

 

“Pfft,” Roman’s eyes flickered around the room, picking at a loose thread in his outfit, “why would I need to talk, I’m Prince Roman! I don’t have anything to work through.”

 

“Not even the reason Deceit came to your room? Not even the issue that Deceit’s using to work you up this much?”   
  


“You know better than anyone how Deceit works, you tell me!” The words were spat out but Virgil saw the guilt in Roman’s eyes before he turned back to the whiteboard.

 

“You want me to tell you what I think?” At the silence from Roman, Virgil’s temper snapped and he decided that gentle wasn’t going to work. “Fine. I think you’re lying to yourself about something big enough that Deceit thinks he can leverage it against you. I think you’ve done something to Logan that only you blame yourself for. I think you’re being melodramatic and playing into toxic masculinity because you seem to think that admitting your pain is weakness. I think you need to get over yourself and talk to someone before you self-destruct holding onto your ridiculous pride!” 

 

The final word hung in the air and Virgil watched as Roman’s face moved from tan to red to purple all in a few short moments before his complexion settled on red.

 

“My  _ pride? _ You think I sequestered myself away in my room out of  _ pride? _ You want to know the truth? You want to needle me until I have no choice but to answer you? FINE! I’m scared! I’m terrified and I cannot tell any of you about it because-” Roman’s voice broke and he shuddered, Virgil remained silent, unwilling to be the one who interrupted. “Because what would you think of me? You- Patton- Logan, you all need someone to protect you, to keep you all safe.” Roman subsided, head bowed down and defeated. “I can’t disappoint you. You’ll hate me even more!”

 

Virgil stood stock still, unsure of what to say or what to do. He’d never seen Roman this distressed before, the marker had fallen from his hand and both hands were tangled in his hair.  _ I wish Patton was here _ , Virgil thought to himself,  _ he’d know what to say.  _ But Patton wasn’t here to rescue him and so he gently touched Roman’s arm and guided him to sitting down. 

 

“We couldn’t hate you Roman.” He got a sharp scoff from Roman, still refusing to look the other side in the eyes but he continued, keeping his voice as soft as possible, knowing that the last thing Roman needed was an abrasive tone. “I swear this to you Roman, no one hates you.” 

 

“You don’t know what happened to Logan, you don’t know what I did, I- I could never be worthy of him again.” Virgil didn’t speak, allowing the pause to stretch on and as expected, Roman continued. “I laid my hands on him Virgil. I left bruises! How can you- surely now you won’t assure me that you could never hurt me.”

 

“Did you do it on purpose?” At Roman’s blank stare Virgil repeated himself, slightly louder, “did you  _ mean _ to hurt him Roman?” 

 

“Of course not! I was waking up but that doesn’t excuse- I cannot use that to forgive myself! He wouldn’t- he  _ shouldn’t  _ forgive me, I betrayed his trust!” Virgil sat quietly for a moment wondering what else he could say to soothe Roman’s fears and then he remembered something, something he thought he’d never want to tell anyone, never want to talk about. 

 

“I’m going to tell you a story,” when Roman looked over at him Virgil steeled his nerves, “and you’re going to listen and not say anything until I’m done.” Roman nodded and even through his haze he looked curious. “You know that I’m a little...jumpy sometimes. And you know that Patton often wakes me up in the morning. Well one morning, apparently I was having a bad dream and when Patton touched my shoulder, I- I punched him in the face.” Roman’s face dropped into an ‘O’ of surprise and a tendril of old guilt curled in his stomach and he ran a hand through his hair. “I know. He never told anyone. I never told anyone, I never talked about but I couldn’t believe that he forgave me. I didn’t think I could ever be worthy of him again.”

 

“Virgil, I-“

 

“He forgave me Roman. He said it enough times that I believe it, what is it Logan often says?”

 

“Constant repetition allows the mind to retain information it has trouble processing.”

 

“Exactly. So I don’t care how often I need to say it. I’m going to say it until you believe me Roman: we could never hate you, we love you.” He watched as a vulnerable expression spread across Roman’s face, his features softening in a way that made him look very young. Virgil felt the familiar curl of panic at the amount of  _ trust _ in Roman’s face but he swallowed it down as Roman crumpled onto his shoulder, tears falling down his face. 

 

Virgil gathered Roman into his arms, holding the other side tightly in his arms, allowing him to cry, allowing him to sob, running a soothing hand down his back. He had never seen Roman this open before and he felt a surge of protectiveness over Roman and a wave of anger at Ethan as he expected this was his fault. 

 

“Come on Roman,” he murmured softly, after a while, guiding him off the floor and carefully dressing him in a soft shirt before leading him towards the bed and tucking him in. He turned towards the door but Roman’s voice made him pause, 

 

“You’re leaving? Can’t you stay?” The request was spoken so softly that Virgil caved at once and curled up, arms wrapped tightly around Roman, speaking soothingly until the other side fell asleep in his arms. Virgil couldn’t help but notice how right it felt to hold Roman like this but he shoved the wish for more down inside himself viciously, as he was used to doing.  _ This is enough _ he thought to himself, stomping down on the little voice that wondered what would happen if he asked for more.  _ This is enough _ he said again, before he began to slip into sleep himself, lulled to sleep by the reassuring sound of Roman’s deep, gentle breathing. 

 

Roman woke up slowly the next morning from the best sleep he’d had in weeks. He stretched and yawned before stiffening when he felt another body beside him in bed. He turned carefully and saw Virgil lying beside him in bed (explaining the reason for his restful sleep), softly snoring, curled up into a ball, looking very cute. Wait what? Roman shook his head softly, shaking the thought out of his head, he didn’t need more confusion and he began to edge out of the bed, carefully easing his weight away but Virgil let out a needy whine and his hand shot out to grab at Roman’s wrist. Roman expected to see Virgil awake but he realised Virgil was still asleep and his subconscious wanted-oh. He felt heat rush to his cheeks as Virgil’s actions revealed something that he’d likely never have revealed otherwise. He wondered if he should move but before he could move more than an inch, Virgil’s hand latched on more tightly. 

 

“Virgil you must let me go.” He whispered into the other side’s ear, ignoring the way a shiver ran down Virgil’s spine, likely caused by his proximity. 

 

“Noooo!” Was Virgil’s response, soft, high and undeniably adorable and Roman caged, allowing himself to be rugged back into the bed. 

  
_ I tried,  _ he reassured himself as he wrapped his arms around Virgil, burying his face in the other side’s hair and feeling butterflies begin in his stomach when Virgil snuggled closer, humming softly to himself.  _ I am so screwed,  _ flickered into Roman’s head but he ignored it in order to enjoy the comfortable warmth caused by the cuddling. Soon after he drifted back off to sleep, Virgil’s rhythmic humming, almost sounding like purring, soothing his mind back into a deep sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see I literally do not know who I'm shipping with who right now. Ahaha pain.


	7. Chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan spots Logan in a compromising position and learns a few new things about himself that he wishes he didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all seriously I’m having so much fun writing this fic and I’m ecstatic that so many of you seem to like it and I hope y’all enjoy this new chapter! Also SPOT THE PUN AND YOU GET!!!! Idk, a terrible poem of your choice? A cookie? Idk one of those two.

As it was late at night and this meant that the other sides were likely busy sleeping or breaking Patton’s sleep hours, Ethan thought that the coast would be clear for him to sneak down into the kitchen to get some food. He crept down the stairs, hoping the lights would be off but instead he found Logan, sleeping on the sofa, covered in notes and other scraps of paper covering him like a blanket. Ethan paused, the corner lamp was on which illuminated the scene and Logan was curled up in a position that looked almost painful. His legs were tucked up to his chest with his face tucked into his knees and his spine was curved uncomfortably forward. Ethan paused on the stairs as Logan’s position was very similar to how he’d found Virgil once, curled up in the exact same way, surrounded by his own scraps of paper.

 

_ Virgil was snoring softly, curled up tightly, hood pulled up and obscuring his face, Ethan looked at him fondly, glad that Virgil trusted him enough to fall asleep in his room. He walked over and pushed Virgil’s hood back and brushed some of his hair out of his face, smiling at the lax, carefree expression on the other side’s face. Ethan then wondered if Virgil would wake up if he moved him, after all, his sofa wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep and Virgil would definitely regret sleeping on it when his neck ached in the morning. Ethan carefully slipped his hands under Virgil and lifted him into a bridal carry. He went stiff when Virgil began to move but he merely tucked his face into the crook of Ethan’s neck. _

 

_ “Never took you for a cuddle bug.” Ethan laughed softly to himself as he carefully carried the other side out of his bedroom. He was hoping not to run into any of the others as he didn’t feel like dodging accusations and luckily he made it to Virgil’s room without any issues. He tugged the other side’s jeans off and removed his hoodie, leaving him in more comfortable sleepwear and tucked Virgil into his bed. To his amusement, Virgil curled up into the exact same position without hesitation but the soft smile on his face warmed Ethan’s heart. He allowed himself one moment of weakness, he trailed his fingers lightly down Virgil’s cheek, indulging in something that he could never have if Virgil was awake. Ethan swallowed down his melancholy feelings and smiled at the picture his friend made, on a split second decision he pulled out his camera and took a quick photo before creeping out of Virgil’s room and easing the door shut behind him. _

 

Ethan shook himself out of the memory, trying to focus on the present, even as his heart twisted from the loss of the easy intimacy he once shared. He moved closer to Logan and noted with some concern that unlike Virgil, who’s face smoothed out in his sleep, Logan’s brow was still furrowed, as if he was still planning and processing in his sleep. Logan shifted slightly and Ethan went stock still but Logan merely repositioned himself muttering under his breath. 

 

“The Yerkes–Dodson law is an [empirical](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empirical) relationship between [arousal](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arousal) and performance, originally developed by [psychologists](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychologist) [Robert M. Yerkes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Yerkes) and [John Dillingham Dodson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Dillingham_Dodson) in 1908.” Ethan couldn’t stifle his laugh when he realised that Logan recited facts in his sleep. However, just like with Virgil, he couldn’t bring himself to just leave the other side sleeping somewhere that was likely very uncomfortable. 

 

He lifted Logan with little effort, slightly concerned about how easy it was to pick him up, as if he weighed very little. He managed to make it up the stairs to Logan’s room without dropping him but ran into a problem when he made in the room as there was no bed. Ethan stood in the middle of Logan’s room, confused as to why there wasn’t a bed anywhere, in fact, the sofa that had been there the last time was also missing, meaning Ethan had nowhere to lay Logan back down. He could always leave Logan on the sofa but he worried about the effect on Logan’s back and he came to the unpleasant conclusion that he would have to request assistance from another one of the sides. 

 

As Ethan left Logan’s room he realised that the only other side he could go to would be Patton as both Roman and Virgil were upset with him and tapped on Patton’s door firmly, gently repositioning Logan’s chin from where it was digging into his shoulder. Patton answered the door in his onesie and his face went from welcoming to hostile in record time as he realised Logan was in Deceit’s arms.

 

“Why do you have Logan?” Patton’s normally soft brown eyes, warm and welcoming were frosty with mistrust and Deceit stamped down on the foolish desire that perhaps Patton would look at him with the same warmth that was afforded to the others.

 

“Boy genius fell asleep on the sofa, wanted to take him to his room but there was-” Deceit paused, unsure of why Logan was missing a bed but certain that it wasn’t his place to reveal that to the others, “wasn’t a key to the door and I didn’t want to break in.” He thought he’d made the right decision as Patton’s face softened slightly and he opened his door easily, gesturing for Deceit to follow.

 

Patton’s room was warm, the kind of heat that sunk into your bones and kept you warm hours after you left the room. Deceit was aware that for him the warmth would only last for a few minutes after he left but he decided to cherish the warmth while it remained. He laid Logan down on a bed with a sunflower patton and he laughed to himself at the image of the starched, meticulous side, surrounded by bright yellow flowers and fluffy animals. Yet strangely, despite the contrast, Logan looked like he belonged, surrounded by love and affection.  _ Love and affection you can never have. _ Deceit stiffened, turning to leave but went deathly still in shock when Patton wrapped him up into a tight hug, seemingly sincere.

 

“Thank you for taking care of him, everyone knows we forget to do it a lot, and I’m glad you were there.” Deceit nodded, unsure of what to say before he bolted from the room in case he suddenly started to spill his guts, the last thing he wanted, especially to Patton.

 

He wandered back downstairs to fetch his snack but his gaze was drawn to the sofa once more, or more specifically, the abundance of notes that littered the sofa. He could practically sense Logan’s irritation the next morning when he found his notes scattered around the room and sighed, gathering up the notebooks, textbooks and scraps of paper, carrying them up to Logan’s room and placing them on his desk. He turned to leave when his gaze was drawn to the red and gold notebook sitting on Logan’s desk. The colour scheme screamed out “Roman” and he was intrigued about what new information he could gain. Ethan’s fingers crept out carefully, slowly until they were grazing the cover, fingers slinking to lift the cover before Ethan snatched his hand back as if he’d been burnt. He ached to know what was in this notebook, he’d seen it before when Logan had swept it in a drawer and locked it but he’d just made progress and this would sent it crashing down all over again.

 

_ What does it matter, they’ll never trust you anyway.  _ Ethan stamped down on the insidious curl of loneliness in his stomach, grabbed a pen and scribbled down a note for Logan, leaving it front and centre on his desk. His gaze strayed to the notebook again and again, his hands even wandered over to touch it but he resisted and walked out of Logan’s room, trying to push the thought of the notebook from his mind.

 

Ethan collapsed on his bed, confused and tired, munching on the snack he’d retrieved from the kitchen. He pulled his blankets around him, thinking over what he’d just experienced in the past hour or so. Firstly: Logan didn’t have anywhere to sleep in his room. Secondly: Patton had hugged him. And thirdly: he’d resisted the temptation to obtain knowledge for his own gain. Ethan dismissed his second point, Patton was touchy with everyone, handing out affection as if it would never run out, as if the well could never run dry.  _ Well maybe it doesn’t for someone like him. _ Ethan shook away the malicious thought and returned to his thoughts, Logan clearly wasn’t sleeping. The fact that he hadn’t brought a blanket or a pillow to the sofa meant he wasn’t waiting on Roman’s creativity to craft him a new bed, he’d fallen asleep by accident. Not only that but the deepness of his sleep suggested he hadn’t slept in a while. Ethan supposed he’d decided not to betray Logan’s trust because it would be more profitable if he weaseled his way in once more. It certainly didn’t have anything to do with the fact that the memory of Logan walking away from him made his stomach curl with guilt. 

  
Ethan kicked the blankets off him, annoyed at the heat of his room- wait. He was warm. He’d not been warm in weeks, he’d been slowly getting colder and colder. The fact that Patton was the reason  getting colder and colder. The fact that Patton’s affection had caused this made his stomach flip. The last time he’d felt warm was when he’d been with Logan and Virgil, two people he had- Nope! Ethan moved away from that thought, expelling it from his mind and trying to fall asleep.  _ Ignoring your feelings doesn’t make them go away _ was his final thought, a thought that sounded just like- Ethan let out a frustrated groan before willing his mind blank and slipping into sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ETHAN HAS FEELINGS. AND A CONSCIENCE.


	8. Chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan wakes up and jumps to a few embarrassing conclusions, Deceit is playing things close to his chest and Roman is struggling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all seriously I'm so glad there's so much support for my lil idea??? Like it's super motivating and thanks so much and I hope y'all enjoy this chapter too!!!

Logan woke up slowly, aware in the back of his mind that he had disposed of his bed a few weeks ago but he was currently in someone’s bed. He glanced over to his left and saw a large fluffy animal staring back at him and he shot up in panic, realising all at once that not only was he in Patton’s bed, he was not fully dressed and he could see his trousers hanging over one of Patton’s squishy armchairs. Logan looked over the the right and Patton was holding on to his arm, face peaceful and relaxed, open and vulnerable. Logan wracked his brain in a desperate attempt to remember what had happened the night before, remember how he ended up in Patton’s bed and what they had done.

 

He slipped out of the bed carefully, trying his best not to wake Patton up but before he could get to his trousers he heard Patton wake up and he could feel the flush rising up on his skin. He attempted to calm himself down before turning to face Patton and he steeled his emotions and his expression.

 

“Patton, I find myself unaware of how I came to your bedroom. Do you- do you remember what happened last night?”

 

“‘Course I do Lo, you got to my room and so I took you to bed.” Alarm bells started ringing in his brain but he wouldn’t assume that  _ that’s _ what Patton meant and so he tried to clarify once more.

 

“Are you saying we were,” Logan coughed, sure his blush was rising once more, gaze fixed on a point just behind Patton, “ _ intimate _ last night?”

 

“Of course we were Logan, sharing a bed does that to people.” Logan resisted the urge to shout in frustration as he realised that he had no choice but to bluntly ask Patton what he needed to know.

 

“Patton, I’m afraid I have to be blunt, I- I am asking you if we,” Logan gathered up his nerves before continuing, “if we copulated last night.”

 

“OH!” Patton’s own face was lit up in a blush at the question and he stammered over his answer. “No, you just ended up in my bed, we didn’t, I mean-”

 

“Well, thank you, for the clarification Patton, I have to- I have work to do.” Logan cut him off, grabbed his trousers and fled the room before Patton could say anymore but of course his luck wasn’t good that morning as he soon crashed into Virgil who looked at his disheveled state, his lack of trousers and the room he had just walked out of and raised on eyebrow, only causing Logan to flush harder.

 

“Do I have to ask what you got up to last night?”

 

“I didn’t- we didn’t, of course it wasn’t-” Logan was so red that Virgil was certain he might pass out soon from the blood rushing to his face but it was so rare to see Logan flustered that he pulled out his phone and snapped a quick photo before continuing on his way.

 

“Virgil!” Logan couldn’t believe the other side’s audacity but he remembered his half dressed state and he was hardly in a position to chase after him and so he slipped into his room, glad for the cool air that hit his cheeks.

 

He re-dressed himself, ready for a productive day before he spotted the note on his desk and his brow furrowed as he wondered why Deceit would want to speak to him. He exited his room and knocked politely on the door to the other side’s room, stepping in when Deceit called for him to enter. To his surprise the room was cooler than it had been last time he’d visited and he wondered if or how Deceit had managed to warm himself.

 

“You wished to see me?” It hurt Ethan to see Logan standing right by the door, mistrustful as ever, but he supposed it was enough that he actually came in the first place.

 

“Why walking right into the lion’s den Logan? I heard a  _ fascinating _ idiom today, what was it again? Oh yes, curiosity killed the cat.”

 

“I did not walk into a lion’s den, this is your bedroom and to the best of my knowledge you do not actually house lion’s in here, though this information could be outdated. Furthermore, I am not a cat and I did not come here out of curiosity, I came because you asked for me to visit you and it would have been impolite and out of societal norms to ignore that request.”

 

“Well reasoned as ever, however I doubt this next little fact is going to be as easy to deny.” He paused for a moment, building up the tension before he revealed what he’d learnt, “I found you fast asleep on the sofa last night, tried to take you to your room and imagine my surprise when I didn’t find a bed!” He watched in fascination when Logan flushed slightly before straightening up again. 

 

“It is a known fact that we are not physically required to sleep therefore it isn’t an issue that I decided to get rid of my bed.”

 

“Oh but Logan,” Deceit stood up, slinking closer, invading Logan’s personal space to throw him off, “didn’t you promise Patton you would sleep?”   
  


“I do sleep, I simply decided that a bed took up too much room and therefore came to the logical conclusion that I no longer required one.” Logan paused for a moment before his brain kicked into gear and he connected what Deceit had just told him. “Wait you were the one who carried me to Patton’s room?”

 

“Well I guess the boy wonder really does have an answer for everything, I’m so glad we had this talk Logan but I do have some scheming to do and so I must bid you adieu!”

 

Logan was unceremoniously shoved out of Deceit’s room before the door was slammed shut and he heard the click of the lock. He frowned at the door and headed downstairs, hoping to find Patton and speak to him. However, he didn’t get far before he collided with Roman who reached out as if to catch his attention before retracting his hand as if he was afraid to touch him.

  
“Ah Logan.” Roman was subdued and this caught Logan’s attention and he turned to give Logan his full focus but to his surprise Roman seemed slightly uncomfortable to be the focus of Logan’s attention but he seemed to steel himself and continued. “I came to- well. I must apologise for my behaviour over these past weeks.”

 

“I must ease your fears Roman, I do not see what there is to apologise for. You were not in the right state of mind, you were waking up from a nightmare, it makes perfect sense that you would lash out.”

 

“But I shouldn’t have- I was supposed to be able to-” Logan placed a firm hand on Roman’s shoulder, meeting the other’s eyes firmly, to better reinforce his point.

 

“I could never blame you for your actions that you perform when unconscious. I ask that you not dwell on this further. After all, I promise I forgive you.” Roman nodded, he was unsure what else he should say and he let Logan walk away.  _ You didn’t explain why you were so worked up. _ Roman’s face twisted into a scowl and he walked back towards his room, hands curled into fists.  _ He thinks you’re flighty and foolish. Unable to even get out full sentences. _ Roman barely noticed when his fist collided with the wall but nausea curled in stomach when he realised the large dent he had caused.  _ If you’re capable of this kind of damage are you really safe to be around? _ Roman choked on his fear and fled up to his room once more, loathing curling itself around his heart and squeezing tight until he could barely breathe.

  
_ They don’t need you anymore.  _ The little voice whispered in his head, fueling his fear, tears began slipping down his face, hands fisted in his hair, tugging at the strands till it hurt, until it ached like his heart.  _ How can you protect them? You can’t articulate yourself, can’t face your emotions, not the ones you have for Logan, for Virgil. How can they trust someone that’s broken? _ Roman let out a scream, long, loud and desperate before burying his face in his knees and sobbing, the tears slipping down his face silently. He sat there for a long time, tears pouring silently down his face but no one came. No one noticed his absence.  _ No one cares. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was going so good? Like the angst was calming down, there was some funny stuff but ROMAN!!!! No baby please!!!!!


	9. Chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan learns a few new things and Patton gets some things off his chest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!! It's just the Easter holidays ended and A-level exams are coming up and kicking my butt. Imma try and update as often as I can but as you can see, there may be longer gaps between updates. I hope y'all like this chapter!!

Logan made it downstairs, replaying the oddities of Roman’s behaviour over in his head but Deceit’s avoision of his actions the previous night was strange and Roman’s actions were placed to the side for the moment to focus on Deceit strange behaviour. The rapid way Deceit avoided the question and expelled him from his room caught his attention, Deceit usually enjoyed holding secrets over people’s heads, taunting them with the knowledge they didn’t want revealed. In this case, he’d shied away from blackmail, extortion or teasing immediately, as if he also had something to hide. Logan replayed the interaction over in his head again and again, and with each run down more and more of Deceit’s behaviour stuck out as odd or out of character.

 

Logan was so caught up in his own thoughts that he collided heavily with Patton in the kitchen, causing the other to drop his plate of pancakes and Logan was startled out of his thoughts by the crash and Virgil’s snigger from the table. He knew that Virgil could likely see his ears burning and he ducked down immediately to avoid scrutiny. This turned out to be a mistake as all he accomplished was hitting his head against Patton’s with a dull thud. Virgil howled with laughter even as he choked out a question, holding his stomach in his mirth.

 

“You okay Patton?” He asked, managing to sober up briefly before glancing back over at Logan’s scowl and burning ears and dissolving into laughter once more.

 

“Patton, I offer my deepest and most sincere apologies, I did not mean to injure you, but I find I miscalculated and I will help clear up the mess, do you need any ice?” Virgil’s sniggers began to die down slightly as he noticed that Roman was not amongst them and a small shard of ice chilled in his chest.

 

“Don’t you worry about Lo, I’ll just whip up another batch of pancakes and-” Patton was cut off by Virgil slipping out of the room and Patton’s eyes clouded for a moment, an action that was not unnoticed by Logan.

 

“Are you worried about him?”

 

“I-” Patton cut himself off and for a moment he looked so tired and worn that Logan felt a hand squeeze in his chest. 

 

“I am-” Logan hesitated but the look on Patton’s face concerned him enough that he pressed on, despite his own discomfort. “I must confess to being concerned about you. I notice that you seem to be struggling with maintaining your facade-”

 

“I never-”

 

“Falsehood.” Patton subsided and Logan could see the tears in his eyes, “you and I are both aware that for the sake of Virgil and Roman you often bury down your own feelings in an attempt to be there for the both of them. I would ask if you would consider coming to me, should you- if you ever found yourself suffering.”

 

“Aww Logan I do come to you! Just a few weeks ago you went on up to talk to Virge for me and that went fine and dandy!”

 

“I am not talking about taking on your duties Patton, though I must assure you I would not be adverse to assisting where you needed. I am asking you if you would consider allowing me to support you in a more intimate way, the way you so often support the others.”

 

At this the tears in Patton’s eyes spilled over and he broke down into loud, ugly sobs, as if a dam had broken and there was nothing else to hold the tears back. Logan stood for a long moment, unsure of what to do but the distress on Patton’s face soon moved him into action. He carefully lifted the other side and carried him out of the kitchen to the sofa and wrapped a warm blanket around his shoulders. He allowed Patton to lean into his shoulder and cry on his shoulder, sobs beginning to die down as Logan ran a hand softly up and down his back, attempting to soothe him.

 

“Would you like me to give you a moment? I realise that Virgil and Roman often do not enjoy tactile affection in these times and-”

 

“You’re doing great right there Loganberry,” Patton sniffled out before he curled back into Logan’s chest and Logan wrapped his arms instinctively around him, cradling him close. They sat there for a long time, Patton still sniffling from time to time and Logan felt a worm of guilt crawl down his spine and curl in his stomach. He scowled,  _ clearly Roman is influencing me with his whimsical descriptions, _ he thought to himself but that didn’t dispel the unease he felt as he was reminded how he had failed Patton. Eventually Patton seemed to calm and Logan took the opportunity to fetch a cool cloth and a warm cup of tea which Patton grasped at gratefully.

 

Logan’s movements was as gentle as he could make them, carefully soothing Patton’s sore eyes and wiping away the tear tracks that stained his cheeks. Patton’s heart warmed at the gentle affection and he leaned up to kiss Logan on the cheek, smiling up at the shock present in the cool, steady blue eyes.

 

“Thank you so much Logan.” Before Logan could reply Patton placed one finger over his lips and quietened the inevitable monologue that would follow, “I know you don’t enjoy displays of emotion and that it causes you discomfort so thank you. For staying.”

 

Logan’s eyes were clouded with thought and the coil of guilt was still sitting heavy in his stomach, weighing on his mind. “You are welcome. I- I may not enjoy displays of emotion and you are correct in saying that it often causes me discomfort but I want you to know that I would never turn you away, any of you away, should you need my support. Whether that be emotional or logical. You are all important to me and I don’t wish to- I don’t want you to believe-” Patton smiled, pressing close to Logan once more, warmth blossoming in his heart as he indulged in the physical affection.

 

“I understand Logan, and I promise I’ll try not to bottle things up anymore. I just feel-” Patton hesitated and Logan wrapped his arms more securely around him.

 

“It does not rest entirely on your shoulders. You may be the heart but Roman is the soul, I am the brain and Virgil is the gut. We may need you but you need us to and I will strive to provide that support when you need it.” Patton felt his eyes well up with tears once more and he leaned into Logan and the warmth of family and for the first time in a long time, the knot of fear in his heart loosened slightly as he felt the steady thump of Logan’s heart in his ear.


	10. Chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil talks it out with Ethan and Roman aches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO HAD TIME TO WRITE OVER THE LONG WEEKEND!!! This gal!!!! Hope y'all enjoy it!!!!

Virgil headed up the stairs quickly, trusting Logan to help clear up the mess as he walked towards Roman’s room. His gut was twisting into tight knots of anxiety and uncertainty as Roman had been avoiding them all recently and he knew that he’d gone to talk to Logan but then he hadn’t come down, he’d just retreated away again. Virgil swallowed as he walked faster but then he heard a crash from Ethan’s room and it was followed by a muffled scream. Virgil stopped dead in the hall, unsure of what to do, Ethan clearly needed him but Roman- Virgil began picking at the skin of his thumb, his nails biting uncomfortably into the skin, drawing blood before he made his decision. He knocked firmly on Ethan’s door and when he got no reply he simply pushed the door open and walked in.

 

He winced at the destruction in the room, everything breakable was ruined and books, clothes and blankets were scattered across the room. The lights were off and there was only the harsh glow of the heat rock to see by. Ethan was curled up in the corner, spine bent painfully and his shoulders were shaking, soft sobs and sniffles could be heard in the room and Virgil felt something twist in his chest. He stepped over the destruction quickly before placing a hand on Ethan’s shoulder, at once Virgil was forced to duck as a fist came flying at his face.

 

Virgil backed up quickly as Ethan continued to swing randomly, tears streaming down his face until Virgil hit the door and he looked up just as Ethan’s fist stopped inches before colliding with his cheek. Wide yellow eyes looked into Virgil’s shocked violet and Ethan began to tremble before he collapsed in Virgil’s arms, still crying. Virgil instinctively caught his- his friend? Guiding him towards the bed and sitting him down, laying Ethan’s head on his shoulder as he continued to cry, murmuring under his breath.

 

“I’m sorry-!” Ethan managed to gasp out before he dissolved back into tears and he curled into Virgil as the other side ran his hand down the others back, trying to soothe him.

 

“Breathe for me, in and out and in and out and breathe.” Virgil murmured over and over, holding Ethan close, wondering when Ethan had last been held as he clung to Virgil as if he was trying to absorb him into his skin.

 

Slowly Ethan’s breath began to come more evenly and his rapid heartbeat began to calm in his chest but to his surprise and delight, Virgil didn’t let him go or push him away. The two remained tangled up with each other for a long moment and Ethan tried to commit the moment to memory, the feel of someone else’s arms around him, keeping him grounded, keeping him safe. When Virgil eventually let go Ethan felt a familiar flutter of panic in his chest but he squashed it down and smiled at Virgil, pulling up his walls, ignoring his feelings.

 

“Didn’t think you still cared Virgil, after all, you went prancing off with your new friends, no affection left behind for me.” Virgil’s eyes clouded over with an emotion Ethan couldn’t quite name but exhaustion might be close.

 

“I don’t want to do this today Ethan. I don’t want to have this same fight, the same anger, the same resentment dragged up again and again for us to scrutinse closely and argue about. Aren’t you sick of it? Do you really want to spit out insults until we shatter?”

 

“Gained some shiny wisdom from your brand new family have you?”

 

“Ethan-”

 

“No no, it makes sense, after all, Creativity, Logic and Morality, makes sense they have something smart to say.”

 

“What, you going to tell me Anxiety has no place in that? Nothing to add, not part of their family?”  


“You weren’t! You were part of _my_ family Virgil, _we_ were a family and we were good together! We looked out for each other!”

 

“Things change!”

 

“You hate change!”

 

“Not all change! Ugh!” Virgil ran his hands roughly though his hair, tugging at the still purple strands, forehead furrowed in frustration and something in Ethan told him to brush away the worry that stained his face but he stayed still and silent, watching the other side. “You don’t get to do this Ethan! You don’t get to act like you didn’t bring this on yourself, like you weren’t nasty and manipulative!”

 

“I didn’t mean to be!”

 

“But you did! Your intentions don’t matter Ethan, what matters is what you fucking did! _You_ pushed Roman until he shattered. _You_ took cheap shots that you knew would hurt. _You_ tried to push us apart, break us up and shatter our family.”

 

“A family for you only!”

 

“Who said that?!” The words hung in the air, nearly ringing with finality and Ethan went silent, unsure of what to say, what to do.

 

“I just wanted you back.” The words were so quiet that Virgil nearly missed them but he felt something twist in his chest and he leaned into Ethan, feeling the other side cling to him as if he’d slip away.

 

“We still could’ve been a family you know. You never lost me, you just pushed me away.” Virgil slid an arm around Ethan as he spoke, “I never wanted to stop being friends, I just wanted to step out of the shadows.”

 

“And you left me behind in them!”

 

“But that was your choice! You are the most selfish part of Thomas, but you’re still essential to his function, we all are. You were the one who opted for trickery and lies to make your point.”

 

“Because it works!”

 

“Does it?” Virgil sighed, leaning into Ethan and smiling as the other side leaned into him as well, as they began to regain their closeness. “They listen to me now Eth, they would listen to you as well if you didn’t- if you weren’t so-”

 

“Deceitful? How do you know that? They think I’m bad for Thomas, they think all I do is lie! Patton’s morality, the heart, if he doesn’t approve they won’t ever.”

 

“What about Logan?” Ethan looked away quickly but Virgil still caught the blush the spread across his cheeks and he secured the reaction into his mind. “He reached out to you and then you pushed him away. Why?”

  
“I don’t know.”

 

“Of course you do. Everything you do is planned out Eth, I know you well enough to remember.”

 

“Well perhaps this time you may have to think that maybe you don’t know me as well as you think!” When Virgil didn’t say another word, simply glanced over him steadily with an expectant look in his eyes Ethan threw his hands up in disgust, looked away, kicked at his bed post but Virgil’s violet eyes didn’t look away.

 

“I know you. Why?”

 

“Because- because I wanted to keep him!” Ethan’s head slipped down onto Virgil’s shoulder once more as tears welled up in his eyes, even as he did his best to keep them at bay. “I lost you to Patton’s shiny happy family and I thought- I hoped if I pushed him away from them, if I kept you and him away from them then maybe, perhaps I could have a family, I could have someone around me...maybe I wouldn’t lose my family.”

 

Virgil’s heart clenched at the confession and he wrapped Ethan into a hug, and he felt Ethan’s arms wrap around him in turn, clutching at him as if the contact would end. He could feel warm tears falling on his skin and he secured his arms more tightly around the other side before speaking. “We’re still family Eth, you haven’t lost me okay? You still have to apologise to the others but I still love you, I’ll still be here.” Ethan felt the tight coil in his chest loosen a little at Virgil’s words and he buried his face into his friend’s neck, absorbing the warmth.

 

“Than- thank you Virgil-” he managed to get out before his throat tightened up and all he could do was cling to Virgil and soak in the physical affection he was sure he’d lost for good and the peace he felt in Virgil’s arms.

 

Roman felt his throat close up with anxiety and he tore through his room in a desperate panic, flipping over his desk, his chairs, his whiteboards, searching for his notebook, clutching it to his chest once he found it. He curled up in a corner of his room, tears pouring down his cheeks as he sat in his destroyed room, alone, hurting without anyone else there to hold him, to soothe him, to calm him.

 

 _Why would they come? Foolish little prince, they have each other, why would they need you?_ Roman’s nails dug into his arms, raising red lines as he dragged his nails down his arms, the pain grounding him, even as his heart ached in his chest. Frustration welled in him as he tried in vain to stop crying- _so weak, no control, poor little prince-_ and he grabbed the nearest object and hurled it. It collided with a wall, leaving another large dent and the snake of anxiety coiled tighter around his mind.

 

 _How could they trust you? Look at the destruction you wreak, what if you hurt them again? Stay away keep away, nobody wants broken pieces. What can you do with a shattered prince? What use is there for drained creativity?_ Roman let out a choked sob as he curled tighter around himself in the corner, alone in the dark with nothing to guide his way out.


	11. Chapter eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman fights his demons and Virgil helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *choo choo* "What's that in the distance?" *CHOO CHOO* "IT'S THE ANGST TRAIN ALL ABOARD EVERYONE"  
> Y'all I'm simultaneously having the best and worst time with this fic! Thank y'all for reading, kudosing and commenting, keeping me motivated BIG time!!!

Virgil’s eyes slid open and he realised that he’d fallen asleep in Ethan’s room and his arms were still wrapped tightly around the other side. Ethan mumbled in his sleep as Virgil slipped out of his arms but Ethan’s arm shot out and his hand curled loosely around Virgil’s wrist, a clear request, even though he was still asleep. Virgil felt something warm bubble up in his stomach at the soft affection painted across Ethan’s face and he shook him awake gently, smiling at the bleary eyes, the vulnerability he hadn’t realised he’d missed.

 

“You gotta go now?” Ethan’s voice was softened by sleep, slightly slurred and Virgil brushed a gentle hand over his forehead.

  
“I’ll come hang out later today, you can sleep for a little longer, then I’m going to get you to apologising.” Ethan’s features scrunched up into a frown when he thought of apologising but then sleep overwhelmed his mind and he barely got out a nod before he drifted off again.

 

Virgil eased the door shut behind him and continued on his way to Roman’s door and knocked twice before waiting. When he didn’t get a reply, he knocked once more, knowing Roman was a deep sleeper, knowing he didn’t often get up after a late night brainstorming. He tried to stamp down on the cold snake of anxiety curling around his heart when he didn’t get a reply and he eased the door open to find blackness.

 

Panic rose like bile in his throat, Roman’s room had never looked this- this- dreary and lifeless. His room had always been plastered in notes, drawings, scripts and Roman’s messy scrawl. Posters of favourite shows, artists and heroes had decorated Roman’s walls, his room had always radiated positivity and light, sometimes more than Patton’s but right now it almost felt dead-

 

Virgil shoved the thought aside the second it surfaced and walked further into Roman’s room, there was still light but it seemed dulled. Roman had always preferred bright lights, reminiscent of the stage and theatre but right now it seemed like the light had gone out. The walls were painfully bare and Virgil’s eyes fell on a curled up lump, surrounded by crumpled paper and broken pens.

 

Guilt, thick, cloying and sickly rose from his stomach and tightened around his throat as he looked at the mess that Roman had become. His eyes were rimmed red and swollen, arms covered in long scratches and- Virgil glanced around the room once more and he kicked himself internally as he dropped to his knees and pulled Roman into his arms. To his surprise, Roman struggled and fought his way out of Virgil’s embrace, standing over him accusingly.

 

“I don’t want your fucking pity!” The words were spat harshly at the other side and Virgil stood up, eyes narrowed in confusion as he reached for Roman only for him to move away.

 

“Do you not want to be touched?” Virgil asked, moving away, surprised at the anger blazing in Roman’s eyes and unsure of how to react.

 

“I don’t need your pity and I don’t want it Virgil! You can go back downstairs, I am fine!” Virgil reacted to Roman’s anger and hostility with his own, deciding that being soft and listening to Roman would only let him spiral further down into his own mind. 

 

“You are not fine, your arms are covered in scratches!”

 

“That’s a side effect of going out of your room from time to time, not that you would ever know about that!”

 

“Funny, we haven’t see you come out of your room in days. Hiding from something again?”

 

“You’d know all about that wouldn’t you  _ Virge. _ Always hiding out to avoid your feelings, letting paranoia build, never being honest with yourself or anyone else, just like Deceit.”

 

“Yeah well right now it seems more like you’re the one imitating Deceit, not me.” Roman scowled, eyes fixed on the floor as he refused to meet Virgil’s. “Is it about Logan again?”

 

“Why would it be about Logan?” The hot flush creeping its way across Roman’s cheeks confirmed Virgil’s suspicions and he went in for the killing shot.

 

“Because you like him.” Roman went stock still for a long moment, pale with shock before he seemed to reanimate into denial.

 

“I do  _ not _ have a crush on- on  _ Logan.  _ Mr Pocket Protector, four eyed nerd,” Roman laughed, the sound sharp and false even to his own ears, “I would more likely have a crush on you than him-” Roman went silent as he realised what he’d just said, the next secret that had just been revealed. 

 

“On- on me?” Roman looked at the shock, the vulnerability painted across Virgil’s face. He remembered how Virgil had curled into him, soft, content and happy. He knew he couldn’t laugh this off, he knew it would make Virgil shatter before him.

 

“I don’t- I don’t have a crush on anyone.” Roman’s face slipped into something so heart-wrenching that Virgil reached out to pull Roman into a hug but he leapt away, the reaction instant and Virgil stared at him, surprise and hurt warring on his face.

 

“Okay Roman, I get it, you don’t want me touching you. Worried my paranoia is going to  _ infect _ you?” 

 

“No! That isn’t it I just-”

 

“I get it, it’s fine but I’m not leaving until you tell me-!” Virgil was cut off by Roman sweeping him into his arms and for one heart-stopping moment it looked like Roman was about to kiss him. Virgil held his breath, confused as Roman buried his face in his neck.

 

“I- I’m just- I’m  _ scared _ Virgil.” The confession was quiet and tickled at Virgil’s neck. He remained silent, waiting for Roman to continue, just as Patton always did for him. “I hurt Logan, I broke my room, I break walls, I’m so  _ strong _ . What if- I could just- I know I could-” Roman pulled away and Virgil saw the fear in his eyes, the kind of fear that kept you up at night, the kind of fear that coiled around your heart, the kind of fear that stuck in your mind and festered. Virgil’s heart ached for Roman as he voiced his secret fear, “I could break you and I could never- would never recover because I and it-”

 

“It terrifies you.” Virgil wrapped his arms around Roman, holding him tightly, kicking himself for leaving Roman like this, leaving him alone to handle his fears. “We trust you Roman, we’re not afraid of you.” 

 

“Maybe you should be! I’m dangerous, I’ve hurt Logan, what if I hurt you too-“

 

“We won’t let you Roman, please don’t hide from us, would you talk to Logan?” 

 

“No!” The reply snapped out instantly, loud and sharp and panicked. “Don’t make me- I cannot-“

 

“He should know! Or Patton maybe he’s better at this than I am-“

 

“Virgil please! No one else! Just you. Please.” Virgil’s gut twisted in anxiety as he wondered what Patton would say when he found out he was lying. He wondered how bad the disappointment on Logan’s face would hurt when he found out Virgil kept knowledge from him. Then he wondered if his heart would shatter at the look on Roman’s face if he betrayed his trust and he gave in. 

 

“It’s your secret to tell.” At Roman’s sigh of relief, Virgil continued speaking, “on one condition. You won’t let it get like-“ Virgil waves one hand at the destruction before him to punctuate his point “-this again. Please come to me Roman, my room is open for you, always.”

 

Roman opened his mouth, ready to refuse, ready to retreat back into himself, ready to laugh off the offer as he always did.  _ You cannot go to Virgil with your problems, what if you burden him? Worry him? Or even...hurt him? _ Roman grit his teeth, he’d always had control over his mind, it wasn’t like him to allow his thoughts to rule him. He snarled back, sick of letting his fears fester in his mind and rule his body,  **_if he was afraid of me he would not have offered. He wants to help me and I am going to let him, you will not hold sway over my mind anymore!_ **

 

When Roman came back to himself he was surprised to find that the little voice in his head, slick and oily and cruel was...silent. He lit up in a bright smile, wrapping Virgil into a tight hug before answering. 

 

“Thank you for your trust. I- we all know how you like your space and I- thank you!” Roman’s smile softened his appearance but Virgil couldn’t hold back the tight curl of guilt at the dark shadows under his eyes, the scratches still on his arms and the mess he had been when Virgil first arrived.

 

He hugged Roman back with just as much fervour, even as he felt sick at the prospect of concealing things from Patton and Logan, even as his guilt wound tighter in his throat, even as he remembered his promise to Ethan, he still hugged back with all his might.  _ You’ll want to hold onto this while it lasts. After all,  _ Virgil flinched at the slick, oily voice that piped up in his head,  _ who has ever wanted to keep you around? _ Virgil fought to hold back tears, squashing down his hurt, his pain, his fear, and focused on someone who was actually important, even as he felt like his heart was shattering in his chest.


	12. Chapter twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan approaches his path to a family and Patton is distracted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT! IT NEARLY KILLED ME BUT I DID IT. Y'all I'm really sorry updates are now so sporadic and they're likely going to get worse as we move deeper into exam season. Thank you so much for your patience and I really hope y'all like this new chapter!

Virgil left Roman alone to clean up, guilt still curling in his stomach at the state he’d found the other side in. All he wanted to do was find Patton or Logan, relieve the heavy stone of the secret but he’d promised Roman he’d keep quiet. His eyes stung and his limbs were sluggish but he dragged himself to Ethan’s room, remembering his promise to go see the other side and refusing to leave him alone as he’d done before.

 

_ You had no problem doing that before _ , the same slick, oily voice returned, oozing it’s words over Virgil’s mind,  _ what will he do when you leave him behind once again? After all, that’s what you do, push away everyone who loves you.  _ Virgil’s stomach cramped with anxiety but he shoved it down and knocked on Ethan’s door and the bright smile, just like the ones Ethan used to give him, both eased and worsened his anxiety. 

 

“You came back.” The words were soft and revealed that Ethan didn’t have his usual defenses up. Virgil offered him a smile of his own, flopping down easily on the other side’s bed, unsurprised when Ethan curled up next to him quickly.

 

“Of course I came back, I wouldn’t leave you alone again, we’re family.” Ethan leant his head against Virgil’s shoulder and the reassuring weight and familiar scene relaxed Virgil and he realised how much he’d missed the comfortable intimacy. Ethan was coiled up tightly against Virgil, relaxed and the coolness of his scales was soothing.

 

“You’re hiding something.”

 

“E please-”

 

“You are, you have a secret!”

 

“Ethan, don’t-”

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Just drop it- what?” Virgil turned to look at Ethan, eyes wide with surprise, “you aren’t going to push me to tell you?” Ethan sighed, guilt flashing through his eyes at the open shock, reminding him how often he pushes and pushes until one of the other sides were forced to crack and spilled their secrets. .

“You’ve made me realise a few things about what I do. I shouldn’t force people to tell me things or reveal things that I’m not supposed to know. I’m working on stopping that, I just- I mess up a lot.” Virgil’s bright smile, overtaking his whole face, made Ethan’s heart clench in his chest, remembering how long it’d been since he’d seen it and how often the frown on Virgil’s face was caused by him. He silently resolved to be worthy of the smile that Virgil had just given him, worthy of the one in his arms.

 

“You just have to apologise and show that you’re making a change, trying to be better. And it’s going to take a long time because you’ve not been trustworthy but Logan thinks you can be a part of us, I know he does.”

 

“Roman he won’t forgive me, I’ve tried to break him Virge!”

 

“That’s why you’re going to apologise. To everyone. Properly, show them that you’re trying to change, and they’ll give you a chance.”

 

“But I’ve never- they know that I lie and-”

 

“I’m going to be there Ethan, I’ll stand by you, promise.” Virgil hid his wince as the voice returned, cruel and sickening,  _ you  _ promise _ him do you? I suppose he’ll accept that, as trusting in you as ever. But you and I know what a promise from you is worth. _ “But Ethan?” When Ethan’s full attention was on him, Virgil gave his warning, “you’ll get one chance with them, one chance to prove that you want to change and that you aren’t plotting to pull us apart. If you start your old tricks again-”

 

“I know Virge. I- thank you for giving me a chance.” Virgil pulled his friend into a tight hug and Ethan curled into the warmth, greedy for the affection. 

 

“You’re part of my family Ethan, I’d always give you a chance.”

 

Later Deceit walked down with Virgil to where the rest of the sides had gathered for a family movie night and everyone froze when Deceit walked in and Roman looked like he was ready to throw a punch at the slightest provocation. To Deceit’s surprise Patton was the first one to speak and his words were not as hostile as he first expected.

 

“You want to join us for a family movie night?” When Logan and Roman opened their mouths in unison, ready to protest, an uncharacteristically sharp look from Patton caused them both to settle and Patton’s head cocked to the side, looking at Deceit expectantly. No one but Patton noticed the grateful look Virgil shot him as Deceit picked at his nails, managing to disguise the nervousness as his typical arrogance.

 

“Well, Virgil, my dearest friend, thought that I have committed some grievous wrong against you-” At the slight jab from Virgil Deceit subsided and sighed, his expression softening into something a little more more vulnerable. “I’m sorry. I never should have tormented you in an attempt to force you apart. I realise how that likely hurt you and- well I am going to strive to do better.” Logan’s brows were furrowed, the usual expression he made when he encountered a particularly intriguing problem. Roman’s face was fixed on a scowl but his gaze was focused on Virgil’s close proximity to Deceit and when Virgil caught his eye, he flushed red, causing a bolt of hope to shoot up Roman’s spine. Everyone felt the tension in the room and everyone could see the desperate hope in Virgil’s violet eyes. Patton was the first to break the silence and his words invoked confusion in everyone present. 

 

“My name is Patton! It’s nice to meet you, what’s your name?” He stuck out one hand, soft brown eyes open and warm. There was a long beat of silence before Deceit responded, taking Patton’s hand in his own and giving it a quick shake, almost desperate gratitude in his eyes.

 

“I’m glad to meet you as well, my name,” he paused for a moment, glancing over at Virgil before deciding, “my name is Dee.” Logan was the next one to respond, his hand was cool and smooth, handshake firm and economical.

 

“My name is Logan. I am pleased to meet your acquaintance Dee.” Ethan had to fight down his blush at the contact with Logan before he turned to look at Roman and everyone could see the conflict playing out across his face, his wariness warring with his warmth. Eventually the tension in his shoulders receded slightly, and to the surprise of everyone present he pulled Deceit into a hug. But what no one heard were Roman’s words.

 

“For the sake of Virgil and his faith in you, I am willing to give you a chance, willing to offer you the chance for redemption. However, if you ever cause harm to my family again, I will not be so ready to forgive nor to leave it unpunished.” Deceit took the warning in stride, Virgil’s eyes were full of pride and happiness at the step towards friendship between his two families and he wouldn’t be the one to disappoint him, not again. He gave Roman a firm nod and the conviction in the other side’s eyes allowed more tension to seep out of his shoulders and it was only with slightly forced cheer that he spoke.

 

“Well! Now the more serious issues have been dealt with, it is time to enjoy the film that Logan has chosen for us!”

 

“You’re right Roman, here we are standing like bumps on a log when we could be snuggled up together!”

 

Patton ensured they were all cuddled up on the same sofa, a large fluffy blanket covering each side before he began to movie. Roman was acutely aware of Virgil pressed up next to him and he was glad of the cover of darkness to conceal the fact that his cheeks were about as red as his sash. Logan was distracted, the steady  _ tick tick tick _ in his chest moving his attention off the film and onto the different tasks he had yet to complete. Soon after this guilt curled in his stomach at his neglect of his more emotional duties to his family. His face betrayed nothing but guilt and anxiety churned in his stomach, flickering from his family to his work, trapping him between his duties.

 

Virgil could feel the cold weight of fear melt in his chest as he was sandwiched between his old family and his new one, a feeling that filled him with delight and hope. He laid his head on Ethan’s shoulder, relaxing in a way he rarely let himself do, soothed by the warmth of family surrounding him. Ethan was flushed with happiness and giddy with the joy of gaining a second chance to prove himself to the others and Patton was too wrapped up in the film chosen to notice the cavalcade of differing emotions swirling around him, missing the happiness, the guilt, the anxiety and hope that built around him, an emotional time bomb, inching ever closer to an explosion. But Patton didn’t notice, distracted by the film, distracted by Logan’s head on his shoulder, distracted from his duties. Only for a little while. But it was a little while that was crucial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY CAN'T IT BE HAPPY JEEZ ME.


	13. Chapter thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman acts on his feelings. Fluff ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER WHOOT!!!! Still having a grand old time with this fic even as my exams barrel down on me. Thank you so much for your continual support, seriously it warms my heart in ten thousand ways. I hope y'all like this new chapter!!!

The next day found Roman running around his room, flipping over tables, digging through his drawers, searching for his latest, nearly finished project and fabric, needle and thread before sitting on his bed and beginning to sew. He perched on his bed, focused on his task that he didn’t notice when there was a firm knock on the door and simply called out a noise that could have been assent but may have simply been a request for the person to leave him in peace. Nonetheless Logan took the noise as assent and the door creaked open and at this Roman panicked, thinking Virgil may have entered the room, and so he shoved his project under a pillow before turning to face Logan.

 

Logan glanced around at Roman’s room, noticing, as Virgil had done, the lack of posters, colour and the strangest dull sense of hopelessness, though it had been slightly muffled by a spark of excitement and careful hope. Roman was dressed more casually than usual, a soft black t-shirt over long trousers and- wait- Logan’s sharp blue eyes caught the faded marks on Roman’s arms and he cast his mind back in order to remember if those marks had been there the last time he had seen Roman.  _ No _ . Chimed a voice in his mind and Logan was so caught up in his thoughts that when Roman tapped his shoulder he jumped up in shock. His worry at Roman’s room and appearance was eased slightly by Roman’s startled expression at his reaction before it gave way to laughter.

 

“Your expression is priceless Logan. You lecture me for “drifting too far into fantasy” and yet you become so focused upon your own inner thoughts that you forget where you are.” The words would have stung but Roman’s expression was so bright and open that Logan saw the words for what they were meant to be, a gentle poke at his character, meant with affection. That didn’t stop the slick oily voice in his mind however,  _ everyone sees how you’re slipping Logan, maybe you won’t be needed soon, who needs logic when it slips away so easily? _ Logan attempted to shake away the voice and focus on what was happening before him, not in his mind.

 

“What new project are you working on? Something for Thomas’ next video or one of your own personal ambitions?” To his surprise, Roman’s cheeks flushed at the question and his eyes dropped from Logan’s piercing blue. 

 

“It- I-” Logan was surprised to see Roman struggling for words and eventually he simply pulled out his fabric and Logan saw he was crafting a bouquet of flowers out of purple and black silk. He reached out and picked up one of the finished buds, admiring the careful craftsmanship and the colour scheme finally registered. 

 

“For Virgil I assume?” At Roman’s deepening blush Logan relinquished the flower and found, to his surprise, a part inside him that was uncommonly pleased that Roman was going to act on his feelings.  _ Corrupted more and more every day _ was whispered to him but he shook it off and refocused on Roman. “I hope your suit goes satisfactorily and that Virgil accepts your offer for a courtship.” The overly formal speech at least brought a smile, albeit a nervous one, to Roman’s face as he sighed.

 

“I was going to offer him a bouquet of flowers from Patton’s garden, borrow a patch of dirt and grow the flowers myself but then-” Roman’s eyes took on a dreamy quality and Logan recognised that he was slipping off into fantasy, “I thought that flowers, real flowers, don’t last as long as I wish to hold Virgil for. I want him to know that I wish to love him forever and these flowers should last forever.”

 

Logan felt his chest tighten in a strange way after the speech, as if he wanted to tear up at the sentiment but he restrained himself and merely nodded at Roman. “I suspect that speech would be enough to convince him of your affections, pretty speeches, I am told, win hearts often.”

 

“He deserves more than a few pretty words Logan, he deserves everything I can give him and more-” The door to Roman’s room suddenly snapped shut and Logan caught a glimpse of shocked and disbelieving violet eyes before Virgil bolted away. Roman’s eyes clouded over with guilt and demoralisation. “He wouldn’t leave if he cared for me too-” His hand reached down to the finished bouquet but Logan caught his hand, fingers cool against his wrist.

 

“He is  _ anxiety _ Roman. Do you expect a grand confession of affection? A loud proclamation of his regard for you? You know him well, his affection is subtle, shown quietly but sincerely. Despite him fleeing, you should know that does not mean his regard for you is so low.” Roman scoffed and Logan wondered when his self-esteem had dropped so low and how they-  _ he _ hadn’t noticed.

 

“You shouldn’t attempt to deceive me into making a fool of myself Logan. Logically, fleeing from a confession typically means that it is undesired.” Logan let out a gusty sigh, the one that conveyed his frustration and annoyance at another’s denseness. 

 

“I am not one to offer false hope. I observe patterns in life and absorb and analyse in order to come to a logical conclusion. Based on my observations on Virgil, he typically shies away from affection as he fears rejection, the same trap you are allowing yourself to fall into. I suggest you soothe his fears and-”

 

Logan was cut off when Roman pulled him into a tight hug. Despite the suddenness of the action Logan did not shy away and allowed the contact. If he was completely honest with himself, the sensation of Roman’s arms around him was not unwelcome and he wondered how one person could radiate so much warmth.

 

“You really do care don’t you?” Logan flushed slightly, adjusting his glasses as he coughed. 

 

“You are aware that rhetorical questions don’t need an answer but yes. I find that my mind is eased when you are all feeling better. I suspect it is because warm feelings tend to correlate with calmer, less effusive displays of emotion and that is very pleasing.” Roman rolled his eyes at Logan’s answer but he picked up the bouquet gently, mouthing one last thank you at Logan before heading out to find Virgil. 

 

He knocked firmly on Virgil’s door and when he didn’t get a response he only hesitated briefly before walking into the gloom. He found Virgil in the centre of his room, pacing back and forth, hands running through his hair, rapid and nearly painful as his hands gripped the purple strands. Roman edged closer, wondering why Virgil hadn’t noticed him yet until he spotted the headphones around his ears and he realised Virgil was murmuring something under his breath.

 

“ It is odd how, when you have a secret belief of your own which you do not wish to acknowledge, the voicing of it by someone else will rouse you to a fury of denial.” Roman recognised the quote, Deceit-  _ Dee _ Roman reminded himself, had used it to mock him and Logan had read it to him once. He reached out and tapped Virgil on the shoulder gently and was slightly amused when Virgil seemed to jump a foot in the air, whip around and stare at him with wide violet eyes. The image that popped into Roman’s head was an emo racoon and he had to hold back his snicker at the thought.

 

“What are you doing here?!” The tone was loud and accusing, sharp and tinged with all of Virgil’s mistrust and insecurities and fears. Roman offered him the bouquet with a smile and saw the Virgil’s eyes softened slightly at the sight of the handmade flowers.

 

“I wanted to confess to you in a slightly more prepared manner, I had hoped to impress you with a home cooked meal and a romantic evening but alas, I have to settle for a sincere speech.” When Virgil didn’t interrupt or respond Roman pressed the bouquet into his hand and took a steadying breath. “I didn’t like you at first, you were anxiety, the antithesis of dreams and risk taking, I thought that we could never work together, never work well together. How could anyone expect us to work together? And then we did. You temper me, rein in my wilder instincts and set me on a safer path. You keep us safe, remind us of deadlines and our own limitations. I find myself utterly drawn to you and-

 

“How?!” Virgil’s eyes seemed glossy with tears and Roman paused to let him speak, “how can you love someone like me?”

 

“How could I not? You care so wholly about Thomas, Logan, Patton and Dee and I can see your actions that prove that affection again and again. How could you think I wouldn’t love you? Wouldn’t care for you fully?”

 

“Because Logan! He’s smart and put together and- and- and- the opposite of me! A hot mess who can’t- who never-” Roman captured Virgil in a tight hug and the dam broke. Tears began to flow down Virgil’s cheeks and soaking into Roman’s shirt, the damp fabric clinging to his neck. Roman held Virgil for a long time until his sniffles died down and he wiped away the tears and offered a small smile.

 

“I do still like Logan Virgil but I find myself caring for you as well, in a different way to how I felt about Logan. I care for you both deeply and I find I want to spend my time with you so I offer you my heart.” Roman smiled at the shorter side, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes, “I’ll give you time to work out how you feel about me.” 

 

Roman turned to leave, heading towards the door but he hadn’t made it very far before his wrist was caught by a cool, pale hand and then he was pulled into Virgil’s arms and his head had been tilted down to catch Virgil’s in a kiss.  _ Oh!  _ Thought Roman hazily as his hands instinctively moved to rest on Virgil’s hips,  _ this is really nice. _ One of Virgil’s hands was cupping the back of his head and the other had slipped under his shirt to read at the small of his back. His lips were soft but chapped from all the times he chewed on them and Roman was floating on cloud nine million. When Virgil finally broke the kiss for air he flushed at the lovesick look Roman directed at him, soft and full of affection.

 

“I know how I feel about you,” Virgil muttered softly, cheeks burning hotter, “I’ve know how I feel about you for a long time and I never thought- I’d never hoped…” He trailed off and his eyes flickered to the ground, his default before he said something self-deprecating or sad. “I saw how you looked at Logan and I knew I could never measure up to logic. Who could? He’s smart and handsome and he’s not a hot mess. How could I ever hope to outshine Logan in your eyes? I didn’t think I could ever come equal to him.” Roman’s heart ached at Virgil’s words and he pulled him into another heart-stopping kiss, trying to convey his love, trying to convince Virgil how much he loved him.

 

“You don’t have to outshine Logan Virgil. I love you because of your personality, flaws and all, not despite. I don’t look past parts of you, I see every part of you and it all makes you Virgil. Why would I sacrifice that? I may still have feelings for Logan but that doesn’t mean you’re second best or I love you any less. I think I love you both- can I- can I do that?” Virgil offered a small smile and a nod, concealing the coil of anxiety in his stomach and the cruel, oily voice that surfaced.  _ Oh please, you’d say you were okay with it even if he admitted he’s cheating on you with Logan two weeks from now. You’d accept anything he offers because you know you don’t deserve anything more.  _ Virgil winced at the words and felt them curl around his heart but in that moment, with Roman’s bright green eyes staring at him like he hung the moon and painted the stars, he almost thought that what Roman felt would last.

 

Roman picked Virgil up bridal style and carried him over to his bed before arranging the pillows into a comfy nest and tucking himself and Virgil into the bed tightly. He wrapped his arms securely around Virgil as he tucked his face into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck.  _ Boyfriend _ Roman thought dreamily to himself,  _ this beautiful creature is my boyfriend. _ Virgil felt the grip the voice had on his mind loosen as he felt the steady reassuring warmth of his boyfriend at his back and he allowed himself to relax into the embrace. Roman wriggled closer, tangling their legs together as he peppered Virgil’s neck with kisses and Virgil closed his eyes and let his mind quieten as he enjoyed the free affection from his boyfriend.  _ Boyfriend _ he couldn’t help but repeat in his mind with glee,  _ he’s brave and handsome and my  _ **_boyfriend,_ ** was his last thought before he slipped into a dreamless sleep, soothed by Roman’s heartbeat and arms around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I TRIED SO HARD FOR THE FLUFFY ENDING. I DON'T KNOW IF I SUCCEEDED >.<  
> ALSO ROMAN IS A PRECIOUS BEAN WHO NEEDS REASSURANCE SOMETIMES.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee gets a plant, Logan has a revelation and Dee has a dream. At least- it has to be a dream- right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL I'M BACK AND HELLA SORRY FOR THAT HUGE GAP! Exams kicked my ass but I'm back! Hope y'all enjoy this chapter and again, so freaking sorry that I didn't update this but I promise I'm still going with this!

Logan found himself wandering down to Patton’s garden and the other side, to his surprise, was kneeling in the dirt with Dee. The expression on Dee’s face was half wary fear mixed with overwhelming joy as Patton placed a large brimmed straw hat on his head, smiling before directing his attention to the flowers they were planting. Logan coughed to catch their attention and Patton turned his bright grin towards Logan, eyes shining brighter than the sun. 

 

“Logan! Do you want to help us with the garden?” Logan thought about refusing but Patton’s excitement was infectious and Dee’s looked worried that he’d walk away simply because Dee was there. Logan soon found himself sporting his own large brimmed straw hat and bright blue gardening gloves as Patton directed him to dig a small hole so he could place the new sapling in the soft dirt. Logan examined the small sapling’s leaves, so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice when Patton fetched a watering can with Dee and didn’t notice what was going on around him until the water landed on his head. Logan’s head snapped back in shock and he let out a shocked, undignified noise, that could almost be called a squeak, as the water ran down the back of his neck. He blinked through the water and noticed Dee trying to hold back his laughter and as concerned as Patton looked, his own eyes were lit up with amusement. At the combined force of Patton’s joy and Dee’s seemingly genuine glee Logan felt his lips twitch up into a smile.

 

Dee felt his heart stutter slightly in his chest at the genuine smile on Logan’s face, an expression he had never seen directed at himself ever. Beside him Patton was similarly captivated by Logan’s expression and if Logan was better at reading expressions he would be able to see the open affection that was painted across their faces. Instead he let his fingers trail against the sapling once more, a smile still gracing his lips, even as he dried his glasses on his shirt.

 

“ Punica granatum , an interesting addition to your garden Patton, is there a special occasion?” Patton’s grin split wider across his face as he slung a friendly arm around Dee’s shoulder and Dee stiffened slightly, unsure of the contact.

 

“It’s Dee’s tree!” Patton proclaimed excitedly, eyes bright and joyful as he beamed at the tree, Logan and Dee in turn, even as Logan frowned slightly, clearly confused. Patton elaborated, arm still wrapped around Dee’s shoulder, “everyone needs something that makes them happy in the garden and Dee told me he’d like a pomegranate tree to be planted.”

 

“I still do not understand why you wouldn’t just have Roman conjure the tree,” Dee muttered from Patton’s side, cheeks slightly flushed from the close contact with Patton.

 

“Well silly billy, that wouldn’t have the same love and care put into it! Don’t you think it’s more rewarding to grow the plant yourself and watch it grow?”

 

“N- no….?” Patton turned a dazzling smile on Dee and pulled him closer, leaning his cheek against the other side’s shoulder, not noticing when Dee went stiff at the contact.

 

“Well you happen to be helping me grow this tree, I’m sure you’ll change your mind soon!” Logan smiled at the scene before him, Dee had been pulled to his knees and his hands were guided by Patton’s they trimmed the tree. His eyes fell on the sharp shears and the glint of sunlight against the metal reminded him of a razor- Logan stood suddenly, smiled wiped from his face as the pieces snapped together in his mind. He could hear Patton distantly, trying to speak to him, hand reaching to touch his shoulder, warm fingertips against his skin, grounding him, calming him.

 

When Logan came back to himself he found himself sitting on the ground with Dee sitting next to him, one hand on his shoulder. He could still hear his heartbeat thudding in his ears and his vision was slightly blurry but- Roman! Logan tried to stand up but Dee’s hand was firm on his shoulder and he pulled Logan back down to the ground, shrugging at Logan’s incredulous look.

 

“Sorry but I’m under orders from Patton. Can’t let you stand up until you’ve drunk some water and put some ice on your head.”

 

“That is ridiculous, I am perfectly able to stand-” As he spoke, Logan shrugged off Dee’s grip and attempted once more to stand before stars flashed before his eyes, causing him to sit back down with a thud and he raised a hand to his head, wincing as it throbbed.

 

“You bumped your head when you fell,” Patton came back outside with an ice pack and a glass of water, applying the ice to Logan’s head and pressing the glass in his hand before he could process what was happening. “I know you get caught up in your work but you have to take better care of yourself Lo.” As he spoke Patton guided the glass to Logan’s lips and placed a warm hand against his forehead, checking his temperature. Logan appeased the other side by allowing him to fuss, gentle fingers checking his head, searching for blood or bumps. Dee stood slightly to the side, feeling isolated from the scene as he saw Logan protest the care, Patton subside before Logan’s eyes softened and allowed him to fuss over him once more. 

 

Dee swallowed around a lump in his throat as he saw how comfortable the two were around each other, touches being exchanged freely between them. He excused himself, muttering a quick excuse beneath his breath, unsure what he’d said, just knowing he couldn’t stand to be around the others with their obvious affection and trust. He walked on autopilot, not sure where he was going until he found himself outside Virgil’s door. He pushed at the smooth wood and peeked into the dim room, barely making a noise in an attempt to not wake Virgil if he was napping. What he saw made his stomach drop and his heart clench painfully in his chest.

 

Virgil’s eyes were shut and his face was smooth, free from the anxieties that plagued him when he was awake. His shoulders rose and fell smoothly and he looked at peace, soft, vulnerable and beautiful. What hurt Dee was the presence of strong arms wrapped around his- his- Virgil, arms that he knew belonged to Roman. Handsome. Strong. Brave. Kind.  _ Roman _ . The one who won Virgil’s heart, something that he’d always- that he’d always hoped- Dee turned away from the door sharply, something sharp lodging itself in his chest while a voice began to purr in his head. 

 

_ Foolish,  _ Dee fled to his room, desperately trying to shake the voice out of his head even as it began to snarl, the words becoming vicious and cruel,  _ you thought you could measure up? Thought you could win his heart? Against  _ Roman?  _ Against someone  _ whole?  _ Against someone lovable?  _ Dee winced as he collapsed on his bed, sharp pain lancing through his chest as he remembered the open look of vulnerability on Virgil’s face, a look he’d only seen a few times, a look he’d tried and tried to achieve. A look he would have done anything to be worthy of.

 

_ But you aren’t,  _ the same slick oily voice piped up in his mind and Dee felt colder, as if a pair of icy hands were clenched around his throat, his breath hitched in his chest, the shadows seemed darker, his nails dug into his palm, pain- blood- falling- a face? Bone white- dark sockets- no eyes, gleaming teeth, skeletal hand- reaching- closer- sharp- pain- danger- please- no-!

  
“Dee! It’s dinnertime! Mandatory family bonding!” Dee gasped for breath, sucking in air that he thought he’d lost and- wait! His hands flew to his neck, feeling for damage, any blood or cuts but his skin was smooth beneath his fingertips and his racing heartbeat began to slow, returning to normal. He took another breath, calming his heartbeat further before he walked out of his room, not looking back. If he had, perhaps he would have seen the flash of gleaming teeth. Perhaps he would have noticed how the shadows seemed to contort and flex. Perhaps he would have noticed the nearly invisibly brand on his wrist. Perhaps he would have heard the slick, oily voice purr out his name:  _ Ethan-  _


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan gets stuck in his head, Dee feels a little more at home and the darkness creeps ever closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Panic attack, idk how triggering it is, if you want to skip it, summary in the end notes.  
> Also, y'all I'm gonna try and stick to a consistent update schedule of Sundays/Mondays weekly (I'm putting both bc I may be a lil late occasionally) until I complete this fic. Thank y'all so much for continuing to read and comment, sticking with this fic, honestly it means so so much to me!

Dee came down the stairs find Roman and Virgil curled up beside one another, hands firmly grasped together and an open look of affection on their faces. Neither one of them seemed to notice him and something inside him ached to see Virgil so distracted, so focused on someone other than him. He opened his mouth, ready to use one of his barbs, comment on Roman’s little soft spot for the resident boy genius, expose Virgil’s sharp fear of rejection, the words were on the tip of his tongue and then Virgil looked up at him. Violet eyes shone at him, practically glowing with joy yet there was a shadow behind them, like his friend was worried about what he was going to say, how he was going to ruin this moment. A bolt of guilt speared through Dee as he thought about what he was about to say, how he was about to hurt the others and he swallowed down his bitter jealousy and smiled and the bright unrestrained grin he got in return soothed the stab of pain he felt as Virgil’s head leant against Roman’s shoulder.

 

While Dee wrestled with his worst impulses Logan’s eyes were fixated on Roman’s forearms where he could still see the slightly raised marks that were painted into his skin. Though the marks were faded Logan could all too easily picture Roman inflicting the injuries, clawing at his own skin and Logan’s stomach lurched at the thought.  _ How did you not notice? _ Logan visibly flinched at the voice in his head, shaking his head to soothe Patton’s concerned look, trying to block out the voice.  _ You are  _ Logic _ after all, how could you have been this unobservant? He must have been crying out for help, begging for someone to notice and you couldn’t even do that. Useless. _ Logan fixed his eyes on his plate, allowing the conversation around him to wash over him in waves, paying no attention to the world around him as he continued to get lost in his thoughts.

 

The rest of the meal passed in a blur for Logan, he murmured his thanks to Patton, offered his assistance in the kitchen but the second the opportunity arose he retreated to his room, taking out a pen and a dark blue notebook before he added to his list of flaws, absently noticing that this would be the 57th addition within the past few weeks:  **Unobservant** sat there in bold letters, the black ink burning itself into his mind, branding his brain with the knowledge of yet another one of his flaws. Logan drew out another notebook, this one red and gold and he began to make notes of what he had noticed over the course of the day. The list was, unsurprisingly small,  **_unobservant_ ** , and Logan took a calming breath as he put away his notes and focused upon something he was capable of doing, research into other topics.

 

_ How typical,  _ Logan flinched at the voice that returned, hand curling around his pen, shoulders stiffening as the voice returned.  _ Cannot solve a problem so you distract yourself. If you can’t handle something as simple as looking after those around you without distractions...what use are you really? _ Logan winced at the thought, trying to ignore it, focusing on the soft scratch of pen against paper, the steady clack of his computer keys. It wasn’t really true was it? He was so absorbed in trying to ignore his thoughts, so caught up in distracting his mind that he didn’t notice the room’s temperature drop far below normal. He didn’t notice the creeping sense of dread until a skeletal hand wrapped itself around his wrist and  _ burned _ . Logan leapt out of his seat, turning around to see- Nothing.

 

He tried to shake off the feeling but the flickering shadows wouldn’t let his mind focus as they twisted and shuddered, even though there was no light to cause this. He could feel eyes on the back of his neck as he returned to his desk but Logan shook off the uneasy feeling with relative ease. The burn was likely his overheated skin coming in contact with the ice cold metal of his desk, there was no other  _ logical _ explanation. If Logan had focused on his uneasy feeling he may have spotted how the shadows continued to flicker around him and only around him. He may have noticed how the room never did warm up despite Roman’s success in creating a space with a constant temperature. He may have noticed how the near invisible mark on his wrist seemed to glow for a moment but he didn’t and the presence settled itself more firmly in place and grinned.

 

Meanwhile, Dee had stayed behind in the kitchen to assist Patton with the cleaning up as he didn’t want to spend anymore time than he had to around the lovebirds and Logan had already left, citing a project he needed to finish. As Patton handed him plates and cutlery to place in the dishwasher, he felt surprisingly domestic, the warm air of the kitchen, the soft background music from the radio, everything was soft and calm and peaceful. Patton was humming along to the song on the radio as he rinsed the plates and Dee’s heart warmed in his chest as he felt like part of the family. 

 

When they’d finished cleaning up Patton gave Dee a bright grin, one that made his heart stutter in his chest and he jolted when Patton slung an arm around his shoulder, guiding him to the sofa and offering him a warm mug and a bowl of popcorn. Dee hesitated as Patton looked up at him hopefully, patting the seat next to him and waving the remote at him, hoping to tempt him into staying.

 

“I thought it’d be fun to watch a film together, if you want to stay and watch…?” Roman and Virgil agreed to the suggestion eagerly but Dee wavered, unsure if they really wanted him to stay.  _ Of course they don’t,  _ Dee winced at the voice in his head,  _ why would they want someone like you? _

 

“Dee?” Virgil had distangled himself from Roman and laid a hand on his arm, grounding him, tight and reassuring. “You okay?” He said out loud,  _ what do you need? _ His eyes asked and Dee took a deep breath, centering himself, and shook his head, nearly inperceptibly, squeezing Virgil’s hand with gratitude before flopping down on the sofa next to Patton. 

 

At Dee’s decision Patton let out what sounded like a happy squeak and leaned into him at once, snuggled up against his side as he began to flick through the channels. Dee felt his brain go offline at the contact, Patton’s palm was warm against his bare arm and he felt his cheeks flush. He glanced over to where he heard a soft snicker and saw Virgil’s eyes gleaming with amusement at his predicament. To Dee’s surprise he realised that Patton was mirroring Virgil’s position meaning- his cheeks burned brighter at the thought, pushing it out of his mind, rationalising it in his mind,  _ Patton is touchy with everyone,  _ he reminded himself,  _ it doesn’t mean anything. Even if you hope it meant something, it doesn’t.  _

 

As the other four sides settled into the sofa to watch the film Logan was spiralling further and further down into the depths of his own mind, heart twisting in his chest as he stared at the five notebooks on his desk. Each one a different colour and each one was not as full as it should have been, except the dark navy blue notebook which was covered in annotations, post its and scribbles as Logan noted down his analysis of the day and how he could’ve done better and all the ways he didn’t. His fingers brushed over the notebooks in turn: red and gold, pale blue and sunflowers, deep purple and storm clouds and yellow with tiny little snakes, fingers trembling as he remembered how he’d failed each and every person the notebooks represented.

 

_ Raised red lines decorating forearms-  _ Logan’s fingers curled into fists. 

 

_ Gasping on the kitchen floor-  _ Logan took a step back, breath coming faster.

 

_ Sobbing in his room-  _ Logan could feel sweat beading on his forehead.

 

_ Ostracised and miserable-  _ Logan choked on his own breath as he gasped for air, crumpling onto the floor of his room, notebooks scattering as he hit his desk on the way down, tears streaking down his face, fogging his glasses as he tried to calm down, to breathe- to- to-

 

 _You failed them,_ he took a shuddering breath as the slick oily voice began to purr in his mind, cruel and insidious. _The physical embodiment of_ Logic _distracted by his own feelings and issues. How ever could you contribute to the others now?_ Logan caught a glimpse of his own reflection, imprinted behind his eyelids, shaking, sweaty, hair grasped and tugged at, rumpled, messy- _emotional_ the voice murmured softly, wrapping itself more securely around Logan’s mind, even as he trembled on the floor. _What use is flawed Logic?_ At this, Logan let out a low, pained noise as he curled into himself, trying to escape the little voice that voiced his fears.

 

Downstairs Patton jolted suddenly, knocking the bowl of popcorn off his lap, the pieces scattering across the floor causing the others to stare at him. Without a proper explanation Patton bolted off the sofa and sprinted up the stairs while the other sides waited in confusion before Roman felt his blood run cold.

 

“Logan-” before he got another word out Virgil was running for the stairs and Roman stood to do the same only to realise Dee hadn’t moved. “If we’re going to be a family, you have to come too.” Dee took a breath and nodded firmly, easing Roman’s fears about Dee’s motivations behind the reconciliation.

 

When they made it to Logan’s room Patton was hammering on the door in an attempt to break it down while Virgil rattled the door handle desperately. When Roman realised the door was locked, he reached into his control of the mindscape and forced Logan’s door to vanish. He felt the twinge of a headache forming but he pushed it aside as they entered Logan’s room as every stomach dropped out from under them at the state both the room and Logan were in. Patton let out a soft whimper, Virgil had to calm his own senses which were responding to the anxiety in the air, Roman hissed out a breath and Dee just stared at the chaos where there should be none.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Logan feels like he's failed the other sides, spirals down into his own head, the voice shows up again, and everyone rushes up to Logan's room.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's fears are put to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S LATE AND I AM SO SORRY AND I HAVE MORE BAD NEWS. I'm on holiday from the 5th to the 15th and I'm not sure if I'll be able to update because I have no idea what the internet will be like. I'm really sorry y'all, Imma try and update but I'm just warning that there might not be an update for a while. Still super thankful for all of y'all for sticking with this and all your lovely comments!! I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

Patton went to scoop Logan up in a hug but he shied away, curling into himself further, still trembling.  _ How can you deserve their affection? When they see how you failed them...you’ll watch them walk away.  _ Logan’s breath was coming out in sharp panicky gasps, a sound that resonated as deeply wrong in the still room. Patton turned to Virgil, eyes searching for an answer, a way to help Logan but Virgil’s eyes were wide and his gaze kept flickering from Logan, to the mess and the floor. Roman lunged for his boyfriend as he crumpled to the ground, fingertips recognising the hummingbird-quick bears of his heart and realising how affected Virgil really was. 

 

The moment Roman’s arms encircled Virgil he buried his face into his boyfriend’s neck, nails digging into his own arms as he attempted to ground himself and distract himself from the literal fog of anxiety that filled the room. Patton was losing himself as well, the feedback of the other sides’ distress, particularly Logan and Virgil was amplifying his own worry and causing him to get trapped in an endless loop of fear. Dee took a deep breath, realising that it was up to him to bring the others back to themselves. 

 

He gripped Virgil’s shoulder firmly, grounding his friend as he had done so often for Dee and slowly but surely Virgil’s breaths began to calm slightly. Roman’s eyes were full of gratitude as Virgil began to calm, lessening the emotions Patton experienced, allowing him to breathe more easily as well. Dee gently tilted Virgil’s head up to look him in the eyes and he watched as they focused on him, sharper and less panicked. 

 

“How do we help Logan?” Patton’s voice had come back to him and everyone could hear the terror lacing his tone. Dee turned to face him, confusion painted across his features. 

 

“You- you don’t know?” Guilt flashed across Patton’s face, sharp and clear before it settled in his stomach, churning with the terror at seeing Logan so distraught. 

 

“We’ve never- Logan never- he’s never let us see him like this,” Virgil’s eyes flicked to the ground, the same guilt showing on his face, “I didn’t know- didn’t even think he could spiral like this.” 

 

Dee took a steadying breath, calming his own nerves before he knelt beside Logan who was still shivering on the floor, breathes coming in quick, high pants. Dee flattened his tone of voice, making his voice calm, robotic and emotionless. The other three sides looked at him in confusion as he began to speak, refusing to allow his voice to emote as he focused his attention on Logan.

 

“You are required to breathe steadily in order to allow for maximum oxygen intake which simultaneously allows you to avoid unsteady breathing which will only increase your panic. To combat this you must take a single deep breath lasting four seconds.” To everyone’s surprise, Logan obeyed, as if on instinct and Dee felt a rush of relief as his idea worked, “now hold it for seven seconds and then breathe out for eight seconds.” When Logan completed the steps Dee nodded at him as his eyes cracked open from behind his glasses, “and repeat.” Slowly but surely Logan’s breathing began to even out, allowing him uncurl from his position and he seemed shocked to see the other four sides in his room. His cheeks coloured bright red and when he spoke he was clearly uncomfortable with the situation. His fingers twitched at his sides, curling to pick at the loose skin and he wouldn’t meet their eyes, his gaze flicking from place to place rapidly.

 

“Thank you for- for coming to aid me with my,” Logan paused and a quick flicker of disgust crossed his face, so rapid that the others barely caught it, “moment of weakness. But I can assure you that I am feeling far calmer now and do not require your presence anymore.”

 

Patton opened his mouth to protest, in fact they all did, but Logan’s expression shifted from his default calm and collected visage and Virgil caught a glimpse of the pure terror beneath it, as if Logan couldn’t stand the thought of them being near him any longer. He caught Patton’s wrist and squeezed tightly and Patton subsided, giving Logan a quick smile as he turned towards the door. 

 

“And- thank you, Dee. For getting through to me.” Dee shot him a quick nod, slightly uncomfortable at the thanks from Logan.

 

“What are friends for?” His heart twisted in his chest when instead of being rebuffed Logan merely mustered up a weak smile, looking thoughtful as he glanced into the distance.

 

“Indeed.” The short answer made Dee’s heart swell with happiness as it carried with it acceptance, love and- and  _ family. _

 

Before he left Virgil hesitated at the door, concern coiling in his gut, “hey Logan?” His head turned to face the other side and Logan was surprised at the conviction in the other’s eyes. “You don’t have to pretend to be stoic you know. We don’t expect you to be perfect, only our friend.” Logan looked away, refusing to meet Virgil’s eyes, “we just want you Logan, flaws and imperfections and all, just- think about letting us support you.” The soft click of the door had Logan collapsing into his chair, head buried in his arms as he let himself cry, silent tears slipping down his cheeks as he relieved every moment he failed his family, hurt them, left them when they needed him, for every time he’d failed Logan cried.

 

After a long time, when Logan ran out of tears, when his eyes were red and puffy, when he could no longer cry, he stood from his desk, washed his face and went downstairs, ready to face his family and he couldn’t restrain a smile at the scene in the kitchen. Virgil was peeling potatoes while Roman stealthily stacked the potato peels on his boyfriend’s head, building a mini city while Virgil continued his task, distracted. Dee was helping Patton cook the stew and Logan smiled at Dee’s blush when Patton brushed against him with a bright grin or pressed himself closer to the other side. The scene was domestic and homey and Logan couldn’t help but pull out his phone and take a photo, saving the memory forever.

 

“Logan!” Patton’s ecstatic smile at seeing him made Logan’s heart flutter slightly in his chest and he offered a small smile in return, rolling up his sleeves and soon being tasked with taking over from Roman as he was too focused on building his city in Virgil’s hair rather than paying attention to the pies in the oven. The room smelt of sweet cherry, warm stew and Logan felt the tension drain from his shoulders as he relaxed in the comfort of his family’s love.  _ They saw you at your worst but they’re still here. You shouldn’t fear. They love you. _ Virgil, who was keeping his head as still as possible as to not disturb Roman’s mini city of potato peels, brushed up against Logan briefly to murmur softly in his ear.

  
“I told you we wouldn’t turn you away. You just have to  _ be _ here. Use that brain of yours and let yourself feel. Just, let us love you Logan, .” The sincerity and staunch conviction in Virgil’s eyes, even with the potatoes on his head made something curl in Logan’s stomach, warm and comforting, chasing the last tendrils of fear from his mind as he was surrounded by the sensation of deep, sincere affection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my defense! I did not leave this chapter on a nasty cliffhanger like I planned to, snuck in some fluff, in preparation for no update so as much as that sucks, at least it's not ending on angst!


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan defeats Roman at monopoly and Dee is further tormented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’ALL GREECE IS BEAUTIFUL AND I HAVE WIFI AND A BRAND NEW CHAPTER FOR Y’ALL!!!!

The five sides were gathered around the kitchen table, watching as Logan bought yet another hotel for his many properties. Roman owned half the board and Logan owned the other half with the other three sides watching as they had become bankrupt half an hour ago. The game and turned from a family bonding experience into Logan vs Roman in an attempt to force the other to declare bankruptcy. Roman’s eyes were fixated on the board while Logan’s were steely blue and determined to win, despite Patton’s cheerful speech that it wasn’t a competition and that he just wanted to bond with everyone. 

 

Virgil seemed to be having a wonderful time, declaring bankruptcy within the first ten minutes and surrendering his properties to Logan. The loud gasp of betrayal from his boyfriend was worth everything and the deep kiss he offered as consolation brought such a goofy smile to Roman’s face that Dee muttered a snarky comment about unnecessary PDA. Patton soon followed Virgil into bankruptcy as he’d been unfortunate enough to land on Logan’s four hotel property three times in as many times around the board. Dee held his own for a long while, partly due to Patton offering his remaining properties to him in an effort to give him a sporting chance but as he took each turn it became clear that it was only a matter of time, punctuated by Roman’s triumphant “whoo” and Logan’s small, self-satisfied smirk. 

 

“You cannot defeat me, I own the most commonly visited properties on the board as well as the majority of the worthless paper masquerading as money-“

 

“Logan, buddy, we’re all aware that the money isn’t real, you don’t have to keep reminding us of this.”

 

“Come on now Logan, it’s only a friendly little game-“

 

“I am aware of this Patton, there is no need to figuratively dress us down-“

 

“HA! It isn’t merely a game anymore Patton, it’s a matter of honour!”

 

Dee frowned at the board, poking at one of the counters with a single finger, “I mean, it looks a lot like a game to me.”

 

“Ah, Logan’s use of figurative has been vindicated once more-“

 

Virgil’s next snarky comment was interrupted by Roman’s howl of disappointment, punctuated by Logan’s statement of his victory. The three heads turned to pay attention to the board once more and realised Roman had landed on three of Logan’s properties in rapid succession, taking the last of his money and ending the game. Virgil flopped onto the floor dramatically, eyes closing in satisfaction. 

 

“Thank someone that’s over!” Patton paused from where he was resetting the board, head cocked to the side as he glanced at Virgil. 

 

“You don’t want to play again?” 

 

“Please no, that lasted over three days and Roman spent every night brainstorming how to win, I’m begging you Patton, let us play something else for family bonding night.” Patton glanced over at everyone else, seeing the same sentiment on everyone else’s face. 

 

“What should we play then,” he turned to Dee expectantly, “what do you think we should play?” Dee paused, realising that he didn’t often play board games, the only one he’d played regularly was-

 

“Twister?” Virgil’s head snapped up and his eyes gleamed dangerously but it was too late to take it back as the other sides were nodding in agreement. Roman conjured the game while Logan picked up the rulebook, a slight frown crossing his face as his eyes flickered across the page. 

 

“This game seems both pointless and undignified, I will be in charge of the spinner, a far more dignified role.” When no one protested the spinner made its way into Logan’s hands and the other four took up residence around the mat. Virgil was concealing his excitement as well as he could but the evil gleam in his eyes did not bode well for anyone involved. 

 

“Dee, left hand blue.” Before Dee could voice his concerns the game began and Virgil’s lips curled up into a sharp smile, showing too many teeth to be friendly. 

 

Ten minutes later it became clear why Virgil had been so excited to play Twister. 

 

“How are you doing that?!” Roman shrieked from his place on the mat, legs twisted in a clearly uncomfortable position. Virgil on the other hand had his legs in what was essentially a box splits however unlike Roman, whose face was red with exertion, Virgil looked like there was nothing he’d rather be doing than turning himself into a pretzel. 

 

“Logan recommended that I take up yoga to centre myself and that it would be considered good exercise.” 

 

“YOUR LEG IS OVER YOUR HEAD NOW!” 

 

“Right hand yellow Roman-“ Logan was interrupted by Dee’s soft squeak when Patton laid his head into his lap, while he watched the game unfold. Logan noted the flush creeping up the back of Dee’s neck and Virgil raised a knowing eyebrow at his friend before the silence was broken by Roman collapsing into a heap with a groan. Virgil untangled himself easily, stretching his arms above his head, a grin on his face that suggested that he’d just had a relaxing time as opposed to twisting his limbs into unnatural positions for the last twenty minutes. 

 

“That is not a natural position for the human body, your joints are definitely destroyed.” Logan scoffed from where he was putting away the game, mat crinkling as he folded it. 

 

“On the contrary, Virgil has taken time to stretch his muscles and joints regularly, allowing him to twist his body in such a way-“ he went silent when Patton touched his wrist, a fond smile on his face as he interrupted Logan’s monologue. 

 

“Wouldn’t you rather join the cuddle pile than lecture Virgil and Roman, they don’t seem to be listening anyway?” Patton offered a winsome smile, tugging slightly on Logan’s wrist. To Dee’s surprise Logan acquiesced to Patton’s request without a single complaint, leaning his head against Dee’s shoulder while his other hand was situated, by Patton in Patton’s hair. 

 

Roman and Virgil had commandeered the other sofa and someone had switched on an old film on the tv to watch. Roman dimmed the lights as they settled in to watch the film but Dee couldn’t concentrate on the film, focused on Patton’s head in his lap, Logan’s head against his shoulder, the affection freely given to him.  _ Affection you don’t deserve.  _ Dee winced at the return of the slick oily voice in his mind, dredging up his deepest fears and voicing them.  _ Do you really think they care for you? Virgil must be forcing them to accept you. Patton would never forgive you otherwise, morality could never forgive or accept deceit. _

 

Patton carefully extracted himself from the tangle of limbs to fetch snacks from the kitchen and Dee followed him quickly, the voice in his head whispering to him;  _ if you speak to him alone you’ll know that they could never forgive you. You may love them but how could they ever love you back? _

 

“-Ee! Dee!” He blinked, jolted back into reality by Patton’s voice and his hand on his arm. At the expression on his face, the gentle concern, the soft look of affection, the clear care in his touch Dee’s temper snapped. 

 

“Stop it!” When Patton recoiled, confusion and hurt painted across his face Dee continued, frustration clear in his tight jaw. “Stop pretending that you’ve forgiven me! We’re alone so you can drop the act! Virgil isn’t here to watch you anymore!”

 

At Dee’s harsh words Patton’s bright smile slipped away and his eyes glistened with- were those tears? His voice trembled slightly, hurt clear as he spoke. “It isn’t an act, I have forgiven you, I  _ like _ you, we aren’t trying to trick you-“

 

“No- you’re lying, Virgil told you all to pretend, that’s why you hug me and offer affection, it’s why you’re acting like I could be part of your family.”

 

“You said you changed. I chose to believe you meant it and you did! You’ve changed, you don’t try and force us apart, you’re part of our family!”

 

Dee let out a snarl and he grabbed Patton, shoving him up against the fridge, frustration and anger clear as he hissed in Patton’s face, eyes bright with fury, “why aren’t you afraid of me!” Patton let out a soft gasp, quiet and his face twisted into something heart-breakingly sad. 

 

“You don’t think you deserve our forgiveness.” Dee dropped him and took a quick step back but Patton took a step forward. “You don’t think you deserve our love for you.” His words made something twist sharply in Dee’s gut and he let out a scoff, loud and mocking, covering his pain. 

 

“That’s not- no- I don’t-“ he tried to recover his wit but Patton was still looking at him with big sad eyes, his head reached out towards him and Dee bolted running from that expression on Patton’s face, from the affection that made his heart stutter in his chest, from his family. 

 

The door snapped shut behind him, lock clicking into place as he struggled to breathe, lungs burning as he tried to suck in air. Tears stung at his eyes as he tried to make sense of his emotions, of his own fears.  _ Do you think you’ll be accepted if you tell them? Do you think they could ever accept your affection?  _ Logic and morality _ in love with deceit? You could never be worthy of them, not with what you’ve done to them.  _

 

Dee was so caught up in his own mind, his own terror that he didn’t notice how the shadows writhed, as if in glee as they moved closer and closer, seemingly wrapping themselves around his ankles as he sank deeper and deeper into his fear. 

 

Meanwhile the other four were hammering at Dee’s door, desperately trying to break it down, Roman couldn’t force it to disappear and Virgil was near hysterics as the door remained, despite their best efforts. They heard a sharp laugh from within the room and all of a sudden the force holding the door shut vanished and they tumbled into the room, heads snapping up to see Dee covered in shadows as something loomed over him. 

 

The head turned to look at them and fear pooled in their stomachs at the bone white face, sharp and angular with empty sockets where its eyes should be. Stretched out, unnatural fingers trailed down Dee’s cheeks, following the tears that tracked their way down his skin and the shadows coiled tighter around the other side. Its voice was soft and whispery and terrifyingly familiar to everyone there. 

 

_ “I’ve been waiting for you all to get here,”  _ its face seemed to split in two as it smiled at them, a smile stretched too wide to be a smile.  _ “I’ve been having fun with little Ethan here but I’ve always loved an audience to my show.”  _ Ethan whimpered from where he was being held and and single finger was held against his lips, silencing him. Roman drew his sword, grasping it tight despite his own fear, pointing it at the creature, fierce and threatening. 

 

“Release him!” The creature’s head cocked to the side as it examined Roman, looking at him carefully before speaking. 

 

_ “Poor little prince, this is your greatest fear isn’t it? Watching, only watching as your family is hurt?”  _ At this, the creature’s shadows contorted around Ethan, causing the breath to be expelled out of him in a rush and he let out a pained shout. Roman tried to step forward but the shadows whipped out and restrained him, forcing him to watch, helpless. 

 

“Who are you?” Logan’s voice was calm and level, if not for the tremble in his fingers he would seem entirely unaffected. 

 

_ “How typical of the boy genius, seeking knowledge before all else, even before the well-being of others.”  _ Logan let out a breath as if he’d been punched, guilt flashing across his face and curling in his stomach, thick and insidious. “ _ To answer your question: I am the prickle of skin in the dark. I am the hairs standing on the back of your neck. I am the quick beat of your heart. I am-“ _

 

“Fear.” Virgil breathed out and the head snapped to stare at him, at an unnatural angle, dead eyes fixed on him. 

 

“ _ Did you notice me creeping up on him? Did you see how he spiralled into terror? Did you do anything to stop it? Instilled in humans to protect them; who have you protected? Hyper vigilant and yet…” _ With this Fear gestured at Dee, whose breaths were coming faster and faster, clearly terrified. Virgil winced, eyes fixed on his friend, wrapped in the tendrils of fear, shuddering in the grasp of the shadows. Patton grabbed him as he trembled, supporting him before he collapsed and Fear’s eyes flicked to stare at him, head bobbing from side to side as if it was dancing to a song within its own head. 

 

“ _ Patton, Patton, patton cake man,”  _ Fear singsonged, looming over him, caressing his cheek as Patton cringed away. “ _ Make me a family as fast as you can. _ ” Patton’s eyes filled with tears but Fear merely leaned in closer to sing the words right beside his ear.  _ “Build it, and hug it and love it for three. Then watch me destroy it, destroy it with glee.”  _ Patton choked on air as he watched Virgil lunge for Dee, Roman hurled his sword at Fear and Logan grabbed Patton before he hit the ground. But it was too late. 

 

The shadows seemed to fasten themselves more tightly around Dee, as they did he let out a cry of terror, eyes squeezed shut as tears leaked out from beneath his eyelids. Fear shot the other four sides one last triumphant grin before Dee vanished into the shadows, Fear following seconds later. The last thing they heard was mocking laughter followed by deathly silence and dark. Dee was gone. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having a great time here with the angst ahahaha!


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four sides venture into the Imagination to rescue Ethan but what is life except equal exchange?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all super sorry this was late but this chapter really kicked my ass. Still loving writing this don't worry, not leaving this angst train until I write the happy ending! Hope y'all enjoy it!

After Dee disappeared the other four sides stood in his room, stunned silence filling the air as they stared at the place Dee had disappeared into. Roman was the first to move, hammering on the wall, trying to exert his control over the mindscape, trying to force the same escape route that Fear used to reappear. When the room didn’t bend to his will, when he couldn’t conjure up Fear’s escape route, when he realised Dee was out of his reach, Roman’s fist collided with the wall, causing the plaster to crack beneath the impact. 

 

The impact of flesh against the wall caused the other three to take notice of what Roman was doing, Virgil ran over and caught Roman’s wrist before he could throw another punch, turning him away from the wall so he could look Roman in the eyes, reassure him. 

 

“Don’t, you’ll hurt yourself, we can’t do anything right now-“

 

“I was  _ right there! _ ” Roman’s voice cracked as he trembled in Virgil’s grasp, attracting the attention of Logan and Patton. “Dee- Ethan- he was less than a metre away from me- I could nearly  _ touch _ him. And now- I couldn’t- I-“ Roman crumpled to the ground and Virgil followed him to the ground, arms wrapped tightly around him, holding him, grounding him. 

 

“It isn’t your fault Roman.” Patton’s voice sounded from behind him, a second pair of arms joining Virgil’s. Roman let out a soft, choked noise before the tears spilled over, repressed terror, guilt and fear, all rushing out in a single breath, surrounded by his family but missing part of it, the part he couldn’t protect- Roman let out a guttural sound, ripping out of his throat as he sobbed on Virgil and Patton. He could feel warm drops on his cheeks as neck as Patton began to cry as well, Virgil holding them both tighter in response, trying to hold them together, even as they threatened to shatter. 

 

Roman jolted at the firm hand that descended on his shoulder, startling him out of his tears. He glanced up to see Logan standing over them, conflicted emotions flickering across his face, too quick to identify before they were gone. His voice was smooth when he spoke, clear and steady, calming the others as he spoke, a slight apology in his words. 

 

“We need to think clearly, if we let ourselves become consumed by our emotions we will be unable to rescue Ethan, and Fear will win.” Though Logan seemed to stress that speed was of the essence he didn’t complain when the others didn’t jump into action. He stood patiently, offering quiet support as the other three gathered themselves and centered themselves as best they could. Logan didn’t cry, he didn’t shout or scream or throw anything. He merely stood, still and silent, soothing hands on Patton and Roman’s shoulder, not pushing or pulling, calm in the storm of emotions battering Patton from the others. What no one noticed was the turmoil brewing within Logan’s mind, replaying Fear’s words over and over in his mind, an endless tormenting loop. 

 

**_“How typical of the boy genius, seeking knowledge before all else, even before the well-being of others.”_ ** _ Is it true,  _ Logan murmured to himself, silently analysing his own thoughts,  _ do I value the pursuit of knowledge above the well-being of those I care for? Care for,  _ Logan scoffed to himself, scoffed at the words,  _ I’m not a feeling, I don’t-  _ His thoughts paused for a moment as he tried to sort out his thoughts, organise his mind and realise the truth,  _ I care about them.  _ Spoken within his mind with little surprise, a fact rather than an opinion.  _ Some more than others _ \-  _ a bright smile, a sly smirk, _ Logan shook the thoughts out of his mind sharply, re-focusing on the real world once more. 

 

“-we could enter the Imagination, I think that’s where Fear took Ethan, Roman has less control there, out of the mindscape, it’s the perfect place to hide.”

 

“I wouldn’t be able to protect you in there, the Imagination runs on its own laws, I may be creativity but I’m not the only one who influences the Imagination.”

 

“I assume you are referring to Remus.” Roman’s eyes clouded as he thought of his brother and the tricks he liked to pull. “Do you think he would work with Fear?” Roman paused for a moment before shaking his head. 

 

“Remus likes chaos and toying with us. Fear-“ Roman broke off, composing himself, hand curling tighter around Virgil’s. “Fear wants to break us and Remus has no use for broken toys.” 

 

“Because that’s reassuring.” Virgil muttered from Roman’s side but Patton wasn’t to be deterred. 

 

“Remus or not, Fear or not, we can’t leave Dee- Ethan, alone with him, we have to save him!” A steady hand found its way onto his shoulder and he glanced up at Logan, blue meeting blue, desperate meeting calm.

 

“We’re not going to allow Fear to torment Ethan. We will rescue him, I swear it.” Patton took a deep breath, steadying his heart rate as Logan turned to Roman. “Can you get us into the Imagination?” Virgil looked unhappy at the idea but Roman conjured the door. Patton lunged for the handle, in step with Roman but they felt themselves caught by Logan and Virgil respectively. 

 

“Slow down Princey, no good will come of rushing in.” 

 

“We cannot enter blindly, we would be vulnerable and easily manipulated should we go in with our minds clouded with grief.” The other two nodded firmly, centering themselves before they entered the Imagination. 

 

All four were immediately assaulted by a deeply uncomfortable thought, crashing into their minds and once Roman had finished expelling the ideas from everyone’s minds he tilted his head up to meet his brother’s eyes. At least, he would have if Remus’ eyes were visible, however, his brother was wearing large, over sized novelty sunglasses as he coiled up in the tree. In a position that he really should not be able to twist his body into. With his legs seemingly protruding from his back he made the others nauseous to look at him as his face split into a wide grin at the presence of the others.

 

“Roman!” He cried out, rolling the r excessively as he stretched in the tree, “what brings my wonderful, innocent, precious brother into the Imagination?” The other sides winced when he simply dropped out of the tree like a dead body before springing up again, moving uncomfortably close to Roman.

 

“We’re looking for Deceit, he was taken by something and we think-”

 

“Think, dink, sink, down deep down, sink, mink.” Remus shouted over his brother, looking off into the distance before allowing his head to snap around quickly, causing Patton to wince as it looked as if he’d broken his neck. “Say! Have you ever pictured a live mink coat?” The other four sides flinched back as the vision of a live, bloody, wriggling coat appeared in their minds and Patton paled at the visual Remus created. 

 

“He doesn’t have anything useful to say, as usual,” snapped Virgil, shaking his head sharply to dispel the images, “let’s just keep going.” As they turned away from Remus and began walking further into the Imagination, they could hear Remus voice call out from behind them.

 

“Have you ever seen the inside of a spider’s den?” Everyone braced themselves for another image to assault them but when nothing came Logan blinked as he came to a realisation.

 

“Roman,” when he caught the others’ attention, he waved a hand towards the trees, the trees that were heavily adorned with spiderwebs, overly so, “when you last visited the Imagination, was it quite this...spider-themed.” Roman’s eyes flicked to the overabundance of spiderwebs and Logan could see the moment when it clicked.

 

“Patton!” His head snapped to face Roman, confusion painted across his face before Roman elaborated. “That’s what Remus meant by “spider’s den”, follow the spiderwebs and we’ll find Ethan!”

 

“But why spiderwebs-oh.” Virgil’s tone went flat when he realised what Fear was attempting to do.

 

“Follow the spiderwebs?” Patton’s voice cracked slightly as he spoke, crowding closer to Logan, slipping his hand into the other side’s, seeking comfort as he swore he saw a spider creeping closer. “We want to- to find the spiders?” 

 

“We want to find Ethan.” Patton, who was expecting Logan or Roman to speak, was surprised to hear Virgil reply to him. “Look, we don’t like it anymore than you do, walking straight into Fear’s lair but we don’t have a choice. Either you come with us, follow the spiderwebs, or we have to leave you here.” Patton choked on his breath, caught between the terror of walking towards potential spiders or being left alone with potential spiders. Roman placed a concerned palm on Virgil’s shoulder and Logan sent him a scowl but Virgil’s eyes didn’t soften, hard, steely violet meeting frightened blue and as expected, Patton took a deep shuddering breath and offered a shaky nod.

 

As they walked through the forest, Virgil could feel a curl of guilt in his stomach, knotting in his guts and allowing a stone of anxiety to settle in his mind.  _ “You just played on Patton’s fears to get what you want, that wasn’t fair.”  _ He chastised himself but he was brought out of his thoughts by a soft whimper building into a sharp scream from up ahead. WIthout any prompting, all four broke into a sprint, coming to an unexpected halt, frozen by the site before them.

 

Ethan was writhing within his bonds, pulling at the shadows that held his limbs in place, dark purple bruises decorating his wrists where the restraints had cut deeply. His eyes were squeezed shut as tears ran continuously down his cheeks, each one caught by Fear and seemingly savoured as it inhaled deeply before its head twisted to look at them.

 

“ _ Ah, you found my hiding spot, such a shame you won’t be able to save him”  _ it purred as it began to stalk closer towards Ethan, each step slow and measured, like a predator drawing out its hunt. “ _ Would you like to see what he’s most afraid of?” _

 

The ground seemed to disappear from under them, causing their stomachs to flip as images began to flicker through their heads, barely allowing time for the image to settle before it was replaced by another. Scenes of Ethan being left behind, forgotten, soft vulnerability being rewarded with cutting words, warmth being replaced by cold, sharp nails trailing down his skin, claiming him. As the images appeared, Ethan was being pulled deeper and deeper into the shadows as Fear stalked ever closer to him, the images created made the others’ hearts twist in their chests and Ethan’s desperate, terrified, gasping breaths were nearly impossible to listen to.

 

As Fear leaned in towards Ethan he cringed away, as if there was an aura of cold surrounding the creature and yet he couldn’t escape, held fast in Fear’s grip as it got closer and closer, hand with bone white fingers creeping closer and closer to his skin. Ethan writhed and yanked desperately at his bonds, screams reaching a higher pitch as Fear’s hand was nearly on his skin, getting closer and closer and his terror was near palpable as Fear loomed over him- hand close- claws- sharp- danger- hurt- PLEASE-!

 

“I’ll take his place!” Logan’s voice rang out, clear, steady and determined. Fear went deathly still, hand inches away from Ethan’s skin before its head snapped towards Logan, empty sockets boring into him before its hand shot out, curled around his wrist and yanked him out of Patton’s grip to stand before it, staring down at him.

 

“ _Why would I want to trade?”_ It purred in his ear, despite the softness of the voice it still sent a deathly cold chill down his spine and he forced himself to focus on Fear and not the screams of his family behind him. Patton had been caught by Roman, held back from running forward and their voices formed a chorus of terror.

 

“Lo- please, you can’t!” -Patton’s voice, cracking with fear.

  
“Get back here Logan!” -Roman’s command, disguising his panic.

 

“Don’t you fucking dare poindexter!” -Virgil’s sharp warning, covering his dread- all of it blocked out to focus on the creature in front of him and it took all of Logan’s control to continue staring blankly at it.

 

“Because I do not fear anything. I lack emotions as the others experience them. Would it not challenge your abilities to change that?” Fear’s face split into a wide grin, the excitement painting its features, the way it perked up at Logan’s words made the others sick to their stomachs and Fear pulled Logan closer to whisper in his ear.

 

“ _ I will  _ break _ you little one.” _ Ethan dropped out of the shadows and was thrown at Virgil’s feet, causing him to kneel down beside his friend, checking his breathing, checking for wounds, desperately trying to regulate his own breathing before he spiraled. 

 

Roman yelped in surprise as Patton threw an elbow into his side, not particularly hard but shocking enough to distract him and allow Patton to wrench his arm out of Roman’s hold and before Roman could grab for him the shadows rooted around him, forcing him to stand and watch. Watch as Patton ran towards Logan, desperate tears streaking down his face, terror painted clearly, seen in the trembling limbs, heard in the quick, rapid, frantic pants of breath. As Fear pulled Logan closer it looked at Patton and inhaled, loud and pointed.

 

“ _ Delicious.”  _ It breathed out, eyes fixed on Patton as his hand was thrust out in front of him, fingers straining as they brushed against Logan’s wrist, a wild grasp at him, an attempt to grip before the room seemed to spin and Fear disappeared into the shadows once more. Patton caught a final glimpse of Logan’s face, the mask of calm broken to reveal the terror beneath it until he was dragged into the darkness after Fear and Patton crumpled to the floor, feeling as if his heart would shatter in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God this was hard to write. As much as I'm having fun tormenting them, (and probably y'all as well) it's also like...really freaking painful


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil apologises, Ethan seeks comfort and Fear torments Logan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what is this???? An on time update???? Still having a hella good time with this fic, thank you all so much for sticking with it!!

Ethan groaned as he began to wake up, head aching painfully as he let his eyes crack open slowly, peering around the unfamiliar room- wait. Ethan shot up in a panic, heart beating quickly in his chest as he tried to figure out where he was. He yelped as his head span at the rapid movement which caused Virgil to hurry over from where he was fidgeting on the floor. 

 

At the touch of cool hands on his feverish skin Ethan calmed slightly, heartbeat slowing at the presence of a familiar face. His eyes wouldn’t focus on Virgil’s face however, flickering to the sides of the room, the ceiling, the dark corners as if he was searching for something. Ethan reached out for Virgil, hands coiling around his wrists, eyes frenzied. 

 

“Are you-“ tears welled up, causing his eyes to glow nearly golden, “are you really here?” The crack in his voice, the disbelief, the soft plea, all cut into Virgil’s heart and he grabbed Ethan and pulled him into a tight hug, arms wrapped desperately around his friend. 

 

“I’m here, you can touch me, feel me, I’m solid, I’m real, I’m here Ethan.” He felt his friend tremble in his arms before Ethan crumbled and began to sob, heaving, wet breaths as tears streamed down his cheeks and wet Virgil’s neck. 

 

“I thought- I saw you- I couldn’t find you- Fear- it-“ Ethan’s voice broke as he tried to speak and Virgil ran his palms up and down Ethan’s back, steady, rhythmic and solid. They didn’t move for a long while, wrapped up in each other and Ethan breathed in Virgil’s scent, reassuring him that his friend was real, beside him, still here. They broke apart when the door swung open to reveal Patton and Roman, carrying a tray of food and a medical kit respectively. 

 

“Excellent, you’ve woken yourself up!” Patton had a bright smile plastered on his face, muscles tense as he tried to keep up the charade, keep his smile, keep himself from breaking down. “Now I know you all like to ignore the benefits of good food for us but I’ve made Ethan some chicken soup with some toast and I’m not going to leave until he’s eaten at least half the bowl.” Ethan sniffed at the tray Patton deposited on his lap and shrugged when he realised how good the cooking smelt. A soft curl of happiness bloomed in his stomach at the clear affection and care painted across everyone’s face. 

 

“And I’m here to treat your wounds, we bandaged your ankles while you slept but you were lying on your wrists and we couldn’t move you without waking you.” Ethan looked down at his wrists in confusion only to see how they’d been rubbed raw, deep bruises forming, gained when he’d- when he was- Ethan took a steadying breath, noting Roman’s apologetic wince, fixing his gaze away from his wrists onto his bowl of soup, giving Roman a quick nod as he tried to forget what had happened to him while he’d been missing- wait. 

 

“Where’s Logan?” Roman froze from where he was dabbing cream onto one of his wrists, Patton fumbled with the spoon he was holding and Virgil seemed to retreat back into his hoodie, hiding from the question. Ethan looked from side to side, eyes narrowing as no one would meet his gaze, frustration rising in him. “Where is he!? Is he busy reading up about Fear and how to deal with it? That’s just like him right? Fixated on knowledge and logical thinking-“

 

“Ethan-“ Virgil tried but Ethan ignored him, continuing to speak. 

 

“I know we were never on the best terms after all those little tricks I pulled but you all seemed to be foolish enough to let me back in and I did assume that perhaps he’d come visit even if he does still hold some kind of grudge against me-“ as he spoke Ethan’s voice got higher and higher, words coming out more quickly, nearly babbling. 

 

“Ethan!” The loud shout of his name combined with Roman’s squeeze to his shoulder grounded him and Ethan’s eyes refocused on Virgil. “Logan- he- he’s with Fear.” Ethan was certain that Virgil continued speaking after that but he couldn’t hear anything over the buzzing in his ears, high-pitched and drowning out anything else. Fear had Logan. Stoic, calm, steady Logan. With Fear. Trapped and alone with no one beside him, alone with Fear- He jolted out of his own mind when Virgil shook his shoulders roughly, startling him.

 

“Look at me!” Panicked yellow eyes met steady purple, “it’s Logan Ethan. He’ll be okay until we rescue him, he’s going to be okay.”

 

“What if you’re wrong? What if he comes back broken?” Ethan’s gaze flickered from Virgil’s, eyes fixed on the floor as his nails ripped into his skin, harsh and drawing blood.  _ Like me _ hung in the air, unsaid but Virgil could feel the anxiety in Ethan, tight in his stomach. He caught his friend’s hands, stopping him from hurting himself further but before he could speak Roman cut in, voice firm.

 

“Then we will see off the demons that haunt him as a family.” When he caught Ethan’s attention Roman continued, eyes bright with determination, “we left you alone for a long time but I swear to you that you won’t be without family, no matter what has happened and what may yet happen, we are your family.” Ethan trembled for a long moment, eyes refusing to settle before he crumpled into Roman’s arms, craving the warmth that he exuded. Roman froze for a moment, slightly shocked before he pulled Ethan into his arms, surrounding him with warmth and support, breathing slowly and surely, relaxing slightly when he felt Ethan’s breathing shifting to match his, allowing the other side to calm slightly. Roman noticed Virgil looking at him, sharp question in his eyes and a quick look at Ethan followed by a firm nod from his boyfriend had Virgil tugging Patton out of the room and into the hall.

 

“Whoa, kiddo, what’s bothering you?” Patton’s brow creased when he noticed Virgil twisting at his fingers, refusing to meet Patton’s eyes, guilt exuding from him. He reached out to soothe Virgil but the other side twisted away from the touch, face screwed up with shame. “What’s going on with you?” When Virgil didn’t answer and refused to meet Patton’s eyes he reached out again only to rebuffed once more and he frowned, “kiddo, come on, you can talk to me-”

 

“I forced you!” The words were shouted, tumbling out in a rush, before Virgil clamped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide.

 

“What? When did you-” Patton’s eyes cleared when he remembered Virgil’s threat of leaving him, surrounded by spiderwebs. “Oh Virge, that isn’t something to work yourself up in a tizzy over, it’s okay, I forgive you-”

 

“You shouldn’t Pat! It was shitty of me and wrong. You should be angry at me, you should at least tell me that it was cruel of me, I manipulated you, I saw your fear and used it against you- I- I’m sorry.” Patton frowned at Virgil’s words, thinking about what had happened, the drop of his stomach when Virgil had threatened to leave him, the crawling sensation when he’d been sure he’d spotted a spider and he sighed.

 

“Yes. It was cruel of you. And it wasn’t okay. But I can forgive you for doing it.” Virgil looked up at him in confusion and Patton offered a smile. “You know what you did was wrong. You feel bad about it and you’re sorry. I can forgive you for what you did because you’re sorry, now will you let me give you a hug?” Virgil could still feel a twist of guilt in his stomach but he allowed Patton to wrap him up in a tight embrace, soothing away his fear that Patton wouldn’t forgive him. 

 

Meanwhile Logan trembled from where he was being held, Fear looming over him, forcing him to live through his worst fears over and over again, the images hyper realistic, realistic enough that he could swear he felt the blades on his skin, swore that his family was truly walking away, swear that he could feel his heart shatter in his chest as Patton spoke.

 

“Logic can’t have feelings Logan, you aren’t like the rest of us.” Cruel, mocking laughter rang in his ears as Fear leant in over him, empty sockets seemingly consuming all the light as it trailed a long bony finger down his cheek, leaving a thin raised line.

 

_ “I admire your resistance. Your little friend was in tears by now, trembling in my grasp, abandoned by those he cared about most-” _

 

“We hadn’t left him, you took him.” Fear grinned at him, sharp and threatening.

 

_ “Oh? I suppose you’ll want me to correct the word I used? Not friend but crush,”  _ when Logan refused to answer Fear continued, rubbing salt into a raw wound, “ _ I’ve visited every part of your mind little one, you can’t hide your feelings from me. The sunshine and the snake, polar opposites don’t you think?”  _ Fear laughed as Logan tried to turn away from it, ignore its words,  _ “of course, this just proves that you’re breaking. Logic catching  _ feelings _? A sure sign you’re slipping and after all,”  _ Fear morphed his shape, bright green eyes, confidant drawl- Roman.

 

“Microsoft nerd trying to be normal? Surely a sign everything is coming to an end-” Dark shadows painted on, highlighting violet eyes- Virgil

 

“Least popular character and now you’re neglecting your function-” Bright blue, matching glasses- Patton

 

“Oh Lo, you think we could accept your ideas if you start to feel-” Sly smirk, iridescent scales- Ethan

 

“You shouldn’t lie to yourself, can’t forget your purpose and still be accepted-” Fear morphed back into its shape, cruel grin on its face as it saw how the words cut deep, pained him but Logan still didn’t shed a tear, didn’t give in and didn’t beg. He merely remained in Fear’s grasp, stoic look on his face, blankly meeting Fear’s eyes and it snarled, showing off its fangs before dropping Logan back to the ground and retreating to the ceiling, gazing down at its prey, eyes gleaming, even in the dark, as it pondered how to attack him next.

 

Logan curled into the corner, forcing his limbs to stay still, refusing to tremble, refusing to show any weakness, any emotion as he kept his breathing even and deep.  _ Rapid breathing allows adrenaline to be released, the aftereffect being trembling limbs, in, hold release, in, hold, release, in, hold- _ Logan’s breath was knocked out of him as Fear yanked him off the ground until they were nearly touching. Its head cocked to the side, face splitting wide to reveal gleaming teeth, an unnerving grin before it began to speak.

 

“ _ You think your feelings towards the others won’t affect your function-” _

 

_ “ _ Of course it won’t. Logically, based on the others, emotions don’t tamper with their ability to aid Thomas.”

 

“ _ Ah but what did you say once? ‘ _ I’m not a  _ feeling’ which means  _ logically  _ you don’t work the way the others do and what would the others be without you? Without  _ logic?  _ Creativity is nothing without logic to shape the idea.  _ An image of Roman and Remus’ many ideas, in their raw form, lacking logic, lacking direction, forever stuck without logic to take it further-. _ Anxiety will rule and ruin if logic is not there to soothe.  _ Virgil’s fears being amplified and nothing and no one there to calm him, to prove that it was okay. _ Morality goes too far without logic to ground and shape.  _ Patton’s blind faith and belief bringing unattainable morals-  _ Deceit will fail without logic to guide and justify it.  _ Ethan being used unscrupulous or never used, left alone and abandoned once more- Fear leaned in close, watching as fear flickered over Logan’s face, his heart rate rose, breathing becoming shallow, waiting as Logan’s mind whirred, his mouth opened, shaped around the words Fear longed to hear-

 

“You’re right.” Fear’s triumphant laugh rang throughout the Imagination as it felt Logan cram his emotions deep within himself, heard him reject feelings, tasted the lack of fear, the lack of feelings and saw a light fade from Logan’s eyes, the dark blue glazing slightly, a dull sheen tainting the eyes that had once been alive. Remus shivered from where he camped out, feeling the Imagination shifting to reflect Fear’s triumph, its victory over a side, its joy at breaking a side, shattering Logan’s emotions, sending him back to the mindscape twisted and lost.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan returns, safe and sound?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL THIS IS TWO WEEKS LATE AND I HAVE NO EXCUSE! The reason is I started a new job which is kicking my butt, and I hit writer's block *hard*, I'm so so sorry!!!

Virgil’s hands raked through his hair, clearly frustrated, as he argued with his family as Patton passed out cups of tea. Ethan was still jumpy, refusing to be left alone, gravitating towards warmth and they still had no idea how to get Logan back. Patton had bags beneath his eyes, a feature that was reflected on everyone else’s face and Virgil was at his wits end, anxiety over Logan churning in his stomach, worry over the rest of his family and finally he snapped.

 

“I don’t understand why you won’t let me do this!” Patton’s hands curled around his mug and his eyes were tired and soft.

 

“It violates Logan’s privacy Virgil, we cannot go through his notes whenever we please! It would be like going through his diary!”

 

“But we need the information, we don’t know where he is and there is no way that Logan didn’t gather some kind of data on Fear before he was taken-”

 

“Virgil, we cannot do this to Logan, he deserves his privacy even if he isn’t here right now-”   
  


“Logan had a plan!” Virgil’s voice rose above everyone else’s, cutting through the noise causing everyone else’s head to snap towards him and while he flinched at the direct attention on him but he wouldn’t back down. “Logan had a plan before we went to confront Fear, he  _ knew _ Fear would accept him as a trade for Ethan, he wasn’t planning on coming back with us-”

 

“Come on Virge- you can’t be sure that Lo planned this-”

 

“It’s Logan.” Violet eyes met blue and Virgil’s were unyielding and nearly cold, “you want me to believe that Logan didn’t have a plan when we entered the Imagination?” Roman wavered before he shoved his uncertainty aside.

 

“It’s dishonourable to go poking through Logan’s notes! They’re personal to him, he rarely shares his thoughts outside observations, we can’t violate his privacy like that!”   
  
“So when are we going to get him? More importantly, how are we going to get him back? Are we supposed to charge in like we did before? Barrel in and likely lose someone else?”

 

“You can’t think like that,” Roman slipped an arm around Virgil’s shoulders, squeezing him reassuringly as he spoke, “we have to believe that Logan will-”

 

“That Logan will what?” At the sound of Logan’s voice Patton’s mug went crashing to the floor and he was the first to react, leaping out his chair and catapulting himself at the other side, relieved tears streaking down his face.

 

“ _ Lo!”  _ He choked out before he dissolved into tears, arms wrapped tightly around Logan as he sobbed, tears quickly soaking through the other side’s shirt. The other three hurried over, throwing their arms around Logan as well, relishing in the contact until Logan twisting out of their embrace and scowled, eyes hard and- disgusted? Patton stared in shock at Logan as he straightened his shirt, the scowl on the other side’s face cutting into his heart. Logan glanced over at them and his brows furrowed at all the attention being focused upon him. Patton stepped forward, hand outstretched, he tried to place a hand against Logan’s wrist but when the other stepped away, avoiding the contact, the other three swore they could hear Patton’s heart crack in two. Logan frowned as his eyes flickered down to Patton’s wrist and back to the other side’s who were all staring at him in open shock.

 

“Why are you all staring at me?”

 

“Logan, buddy, you feeling okay?” Virgil’s words made the frown on Logan’s face deepen, as if he couldn’t comprehend why he was being asked this.

  
“What gave you the impression that I was in anyway compromised?” When Virgil gestured at Patton, whose eyes were still shining with tears, Logan’s head cocked to the side, no traces of realisation on his face. “You expected me to submit to unwanted physical contact when I have frequently expressed my distaste for Patton’s effusive displays of emotion?” 

 

“ _ Logan-! _ ” all eyes turned to Patton when his voice cracked on Logan’s name. Logan merely raised one eyebrow, waiting for Patton to elaborate even as the others couldn’t understand his behaviour. Patton took a deep breath, getting a hold of his emotions before he continued, “aren’t you happy to see us? Didn’t you miss us?” The room seemed to hold its breath until Logan replied, voice calm and all the more cutting for it.

 

“Both those questions rely upon my capacity for emotions, which you should know I do not have. I, unlike the rest of you, do not allow myself to be overcome by feelings, thereby your questions are redundant Patton.” Nobody knew how to react and Logan began to ascend the stairs, tossing out one last sentence before he was out of sight. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more pressing matters than dealing with your overly existent emotions Patton.” Logan’s door swung shut upstairs, and despite the relative quietness of the sound, it still seemed to echo, making the other four flinch as if it’d been slammed. 

 

“What the  _ fuck _ ?!” Virgil was the first to break the silence and the others startled at his voice, loud and jarring after the heavy blanket of silence. The others expected Patton to react, to snap out of his trance, respond to Virgil’s language but he merely stood stock still, the only indication he wasn’t a statue shown by his fingers, trembling as he tried to process Logan’s words. 

 

“Virgil-“ Roman tried to cut in, tried to soothe his boyfriend, slide an arm around his shoulders, support him but Virgil slipped away, already beginning to guestire wildly. 

 

“No- no- no! Don’t try and calm me down! What. The.  _ Fuck _ . Was that?! That isn’t Logan, I don’t believe it, that’s not Logan.”

 

“Sounds like him though.” Patton’s voice trembled as he spoke, eyes still fixed on where Logan had gone, “looks like Logan too. What if it is Logan? What if-“ 

 

“Maybe he just needs time.” Even as he tried to sound hopeful, Roman knew he sounded more desperate than anything else. “He’s just escaped Fear’s clutches, perhaps he merely needs to readjust.” Virgil’s frown deepened and he opened his mouth to protest but then he felt Ethan’s hand close around his wrist. He glanced and his friend, confused and Ethan jerked his head at Patton, forcing Virgil to see how Patton was seconds from breaking down and Virgil subsided. 

 

“Roman’s probably right,” Patton’s eyes snapped to him, the amount of desperate hope in his eyes cementing Virgil’s decision, “Pocket Protector has just got back from Fear, he just needs some time to sort out his head.” Virgil watcher at Patton’s limbs stopped trembling and he began to look less fragile. 

 

“Yes,” Patton forced a smile onto his face and he began to bustle around the kitchen, pulling down spices and pasta. “You’re right, we should be celebrating, Logan made it back home! We’re okay.” 

 

Meanwhile, upstairs Logan was sat at his desk, working on one of the ideas Roman had left for him before everything came tumbling down, his writing was neat and meticulous, hands steady, eyes focused. You’d never be able to tell by looking at him the turmoil that was taking place within his mind. Logan paused for a moment, stretching at his desk and if you looked closely, and the light was at the right angle, you’d be able to spot the shadows that coiled around his limbs, writhing as if in glee. 

 

Within Logan’s mind it was clear that the calm was merely a facade, Logan was hurling himself against the bars,  _ the imaginary bars,  _ he tried to tell himself but as he tried to break them down once again, they felt as solid as ever, trapping himself within his own head, forcing him to watch his family stare at him in shock. Shock and hurt. Patton’s bright blue eyes clouding over with tears. Roman’s shocked step back before he straightened, ready to defend the others. Ethan’s fear, sharp and clear as it flashed across his face, sure rejection was imminent. Virgil’s face setting in a scowl, defensive, instinctive, but beneath it, worry, obvious and sickening. His family, hurt by someone else, using his body, manipulating his actions. Logan felt anger pool in his stomach and he slammed his fists against the bars, desperation painted across his face. 

 

_ “Poor little Loganberry. Isn’t that what Patton called you?”  _ Logan froze at the voice, knuckles bruised from where he’d hammered at the bars. Shadows seemed to coalesce before him, forming a shape, until Fear was standing in front of his cage, wide grin splitting its face. “ _ So desperate to save them.”  _ It paused, hand reaching out to caress Logan’s cheek, mocking in its gentle touch, “ _ I wonder how long it’ll take before your coldness breaks them?”  _ Logan lunged forward, allowing his anger to overcome his calm demeanour as he attempted to grab Fear but it merely dissolved before his eyes, laughter ringing in his ears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No joke y'all, this hurt to write, and re-reading it, OOF, my heart, the poor babies, how could I do this to them????


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone experiences the fallout of Fear's games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attack, summary in end notes. This is late and I'm sorry! Super angsty chapter delivered, already seasoned with my tears but if you wanna add some of your own..y'all more than welcome.

It had been three days since Logan had returned and that marked three days since he’d said a single word outside of instruction to the other four sides. The tension was building in the mindscape as Virgil pushed and challenged the others, in particular Roman and Patton to let him do what he thought was necessary. Ethan had been uncharacteristically silent on the whole topic, often zoning out of the conversation altogether, and if the other three had been less worried about Logan, they might have noticed the dark shadows under his eyes, dark shadows that, unlike with Virgil, were not caused by makeup. Ethan chewed at his food without much enthusiasm as the others began to argue once more, the same arguments being brought up again and again, going round and round in circles without actually progressing forward. 

 

“You’re buying into the whole moral purity idea again, the delusion that just because something is sneaky it’s inherently wrong and that’s just bullshit!” 

 

“It isn’t moral purity to think that invading Logan’s privacy on the off-chance there’s something to help us would be wrong. We can’t just violate his trust just because he’s acting a little differently.”

 

“A little differently.” Virgil stated flatly, his hand coming to rest on the table, food forgotten as he turned his full attention on Patton. “A little differently, Patton you can’t be that blind, Logan has been acting completely out of character, it’s like he’s a whole different person, you can’t tell me this is him acting a little differently-”

 

“He just needs some time Virge, we don’t know what happened while he was with Fear, he could just be readjusting to being home-”

 

“He doesn’t think of us as home!” Virgil’s voice cut through the air like a knife, sharp and deadly, causing Patton’s mouth to snap shut and he looked up at Virgil, eyes wet. “Don’t tell me he needs to adjust when it’s clear as day that something is wrong and if you can’t see it-” With each word Patton seemed to curl smaller and smaller until Roman cut in, his fist coming down onto the table with a bang. The resultant noise caused Virgil to go silent at once and all eyes were on Roman, missing the way Ethan flinched at the noise, eyes wide with terror.

 

“That is enough Virgil!” Roman’s voice was laced with anger as he slid an arm around Patton’s shoulders, “you okay padre?” At Patton’s shaky nod, he turned back to Virgil, “that’s enough.” He said again, voice softer but Virgil’s gaze was fixed on the table, focused on the large crack that now split down the length of the wood.

 

“Fine. Enough. Okay.” All the fight seemed to drain out of Virgil at once and he turned from the table, hands stuffed in his pockets. Before he exited the room he glanced back, guilt clear when Patton’s eyes met his but Virgil refused to back down, refused to come back to the table, even as Patton moved to intercept him, Virgil turned away and bolted up the stairs. When he reached the top of the stairs Virgil crashed into Logan and as the other side got a close look at his face, Virgil expected a steadying hand, acknowledgement for the collision and a slightly awkward but well-meaning inquiry as to his state of mind. Logan merely nodded at him and Virgil’s temper, already frayed and frazzled, snapped.

 

“What the hell is going on with you Logan? You escaped from Fear and now you’re pushing us away, acting like you don’t have emotions-”

 

“I do not have to “act” as if I don’t have emotions as I lack emotions. You should know by now that I do not behave in the same manner as the rest of you and it is unbecoming of the rest of you to behave as if I once experienced emotion.” Virgil merely stared at Logan, confusion and hurt clearly painted across his face but when Logan began to walk away, Virgil felt his heart twist in his chest painfully and he disappeared into his room, slamming the door shut behind him. Logan’s head cocked to the side as he studied Virgil’s door briefly, as if he had encountered a perplexing mathematical problem but he didn’t move to follow Virgil, didn’t react any further to the other side’s clear distress and simply walked away.

 

The rest of the evening passed in silence, Virgil not reappearing from his room, Logan avoiding any, as he had deemed “unnecessary” communication with the others, leaving Roman, Ethan and Patton to watch the film alone. The strain was palpable, Ethan was fidgeting, eyes focused on picking at the skin of his thumb rather than the film and every time Roman attempted to start a conversation or he asked how he was feeling, the creative side was brushed off. Patton wasn’t any more focused as his gaze was fixated on the stairs that led to Virgil and Logan’s room, making it clear that he couldn’t shift his focus away from Virgil and Logan’s behaviour. Ethan had been staring at a single spot on the wall for over an hour, prompting Roman to tap his shoulder, trying to draw his attention back to the film but neither Patton nor Roman was prepared for what happened next.

 

Ethan lashed out, hand colliding with Roman’s, the hard smack of flesh against flesh ringing out loudly, overpowering the film that was still playing. Yellow eyes went wide as Roman’s hand retreated, stark red mark on his skin. Other than the sound of the tv, nobody moved or did anything until Roman opened his mouth to speak but before he could Ethan bolted up the stairs with Roman and Patton in hot pursuit. Ethan’s door snapped shut while Roman tried to get the other side to listen to him, hammering on the door. 

 

“Ethan please talk to us!”   
  


“It hardly affected me, would you please open the door?” Roman and Patton’s voices overlapped one another as they tried to reassure Ethan but when they got no response they merely hammered on the door harder, desperately trying to get an answer until Logan’s door opened and his voice cut through the cacophony. 

 

“If the two of you could calm yourselves down for a single moment and not allow your emotions to overcome your rational thinking you may notice that typically, based on my observations of human behaviour, that when one runs from a confrontation, it would indicate their unwillingness or disinterest in such an event. With this in mind, you may wish to be silent and allow Ethan to reject your clumsy attempts at comfort.” With the final cutting word Logan’s door snapped shut and left the other two in silence, unsure of what to do next, torn between giving Ethan space and attempting to help further.

 

Little did they know that the chaotic kerfuffle of earlier had caused Ethan to spiral down into his own mind, the consistent banging on his door caused panic to build in his chest, he could almost feel the tight and constricting bands of Fear’s shadows around his chest once more, cutting off his air, holding him captive, keeping him trapped- 

 

Ethan’s eyes squeezed shut, tears escaping the sides of his eyes, warm against his cool skin, and he struggled to breathe, struggled to control his breath, hands scrabbling at his chest, cutting into his skin without Ethan noticing as he tried to loosen the bands around his chest, loosen the restrictions on his air but there was nothing there but he couldn’t breathe, everything was dark, no one was there,  _ alone, trapped, stuck, lost- lost- lost- _

 

He took a huge shuddering breath, focusing on trying to regulate his breathing, focus on where he was, not where he thought he was. The loud thuds against his door had quietened, the voices had faded away, it was quieter, less terrifying. Ethan felt his muscles twitch as he began to calm, breathing slowly evening out, until he felt he could move without choking on each breath. The sensation of bands wrapped tightly around his chest faded slowly until he could breathe normally once more. He stumbled over to his bed, collapsing into it without glancing at the clock, if he had, he may have noticed that five hours had passed since he’d run upstairs, five hours since he’d begun to panic, five hours until he was able to breathe once more. 

 

Roman crept into Virgil’s room slowly, hinges squeaking slightly as he eased it open. He tiptoed up to his boyfriend’s bed, unsure if he should shake him to catch his attention. When Virgil didn’t acknowledge his presence a tiny worm of doubt entered his mind, remembering the crack in the wood, remembering the bruises on Logan’s arms, his strength when he lost control, how he could hurt those he loved if-

 

His thoughts were stopped in their tracks by a hand curling around his wrist as Virgil pulled him into the bed before curling around him, face buried in Roman’s neck as he spooned him from behind. Virgil was warm from the blankets, eyes lidded heavily with sleep and his voice slurred slightly as he forced his brain awake.

  
“Mmm ‘can hear you overthinkin’ things even when ‘m half asleep. I love you and we can talk in the morning, when we’re awake and calmer.” Virgil’s breath was warm against his neck and Roman forced his fears to the pit of his stomach to be dealt with later.  _ He still loves me _ , he reassured himself,  _ I didn’t hurt him. _ The steady rise and fall of Virgil’s stomach behind him slowly soothed Roman to sleep, rhythmic and comforting, allowing Roman to release the day’s worries, even if it was only for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of chapter: Virgil and Patton argue over ethics, Roman cracks a table, Logan is dismissive of Virgil's emotions. Ethan lashes out when surprised, smacking Roman's arm and leaving a mark, he retreats to his room, Roman and Patton try and get him to come out but the hammering on his door pushes Ethan into a panic attack, relives time with Fear, after 5 hours he calms down. Roman talks to Virgil briefly, reflects on his fears of his strength, and the two agree to talk more in the morning.
> 
> Angst, angst everywhere, not a drop of fluff to drink! It's gonna be really rough to a while but I *swear* there's gonna be a happy ending at the end of this. We just...aren't there yet.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan goes to Virgil for comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO LATE AND SO SORRY

Ethan woke up with a start, stomach jolting as he snapped out of his dream and back into the waking world. His breath caught in his throat, choking him for a long moment-  _ the sensation of bands across his chest, trapped in the dark- lost-!  _ before he managed to suck in a long breath, steadying his breathing for a moment, giving him time to try and process what was happening. His eyes flicked to his heat rock, the posters from various movies or bands Virgil had gifted him, the pictures scattered of the two of them and more recently, all five of them and Ethan tried to reassure himself. He tried focusing on the pictures, the clear evidence that this was his room, that he belonged here, that he was home but the tiny voice at the back of his mind disagreed. He muffled a sob as his eyes flicked back to a photo of himself and Virgil, huddled under a blanket, curled up around one another as they watched a film, the open affection on Virgil’s face, Ethan could almost feel the comfort of his embrace- 

 

Before he consciously decided to move Ethan was out of his bed and nearly running to Virgil’s room, easing the door open carefully and shaking his friend awake gently. To his surprise the sharp jealousy he expected to feel at the sight of Virgil wrapped up in Roman’s arms didn’t surface. He felt a slight twinge but nothing compared to the pain he’d experienced when the two had first begun dating. Virgil’s eyes fluttered open slowly, but all drowsiness vanished at the expression on Ethan’s face. He eased himself out of Roman’s embrace and the two retreated into Ethan’s room. 

 

When they entered Virgil recoiled from the light, almost blinding in their brightness. He expected the same reaction from Ethan but his friend didn’t react, in fact he seemed comforted by the blinding light, and Virgil felt himself being set on edge even though Ethan’s room was otherwise the same. The second the door shut behind them Ethan nearly collapsed into Virgil’s arms, shuddering as he clung to the other side as if his life depended on it, breath catching in his throat, causing his breathing to become hitched. Virgil startled at the sudden weight in his arms and he stumbled for the bed, managing to deposit both himself and Ethan safely on the soft surface as opposed to cracking their heads off the floor. He pulled Ethan close to his chest and breathed, slowly, steadily and calmly, no matter how much he wanted to panic, he kept his breathing calm. Eventually Ethan’s breathing began to match Virgil’s, each breath coming more easily as he relaxed into Virgil’s arms. 

 

“Talk to me.” It was whispered but it hung in the air, heavy and oppressive as Ethan trembled in Virgil’s arms, breathing stuttering once more at the thought, prompting Virgil to curl his arms tighter around his friend, holding him more securely. 

 

“I’m  _ fine! _ ” Ethan tried for a smile even as he curled tighter into Virgil’s arms, tucking his face into his friend’s neck but Virgil huffed out a breath, not backing down.

 

“You aren’t okay- you came to me and you couldn’t breathe properly, you’ve been jumpy and uncomfortable since you came home and look!” Virgil pulled out Ethan’s hand to examine it, showing off the picked raw skin. “You’re not okay Ethan. And that’s okay. No one expects you to be.” Ethan stayed stock still in Virgil’s arms, processing his words before he trembled and tears began to fall as he dissolved into heart-wrenching sobs, clinging to Virgil, the grip tight and desperate as he cried and cried and cried. 

 

Virgil began to rock his friend back and forth, slowly and steadily, smoothing a hand up and down his back as Ethan sobbed in his arms. His heart twisted in his chest as he wondered how long Ethan had been cracking- how long he’d been trying to hold himself together even as he began to fall apart. When Ethan’s sobs began to calm down and his breathing began to steady Virgil pressed a kiss against his forehead and Ethan’s face came out of Virgil’s neck to stare up at his friend, eyes wide and teary. A question formed on his lips but Virgil placed a finger to them and spoke.

 

“Feeling better?” Ethan sat himself up properly, still not leaving the comfort of Virgil’s arms however and realised that he felt better, more grounded, even as the worm of doubt brewed in his mind and whispered that he didn’t belong. 

 

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” It was whispered but Virgil could hear the undercurrent of fear, of concern that the request would be denied, that Ethan would wake up alone. He could hear it because it was the same fear that festered within him and he nodded firmly, fixing his eyes onto Ethan’s.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Ethan visibly relaxed, eyes sliding shut as he curled closer into Virgil’s arms, slipping off into sleep. 

 

Ethan woke up the next morning, feeling that he’d slept properly- properly for the first time since he’d come back. He moved slightly only to find he’d woken up Virgil, who was looking serious. 

 

“So I guess we will be discussing what happened last night? Such a shame...I was hoping for a calm morning-”

 

“Don’t change the subject.” Virgil’s tone was hard and brooked no disagreements. “Why didn’t you come to use when you realised it was getting this bad?”

 

“Nothing is getting bad Virge, I’m just staying up a little late, watching my conspiracy videos...cryptids, thought you’d be proud of me.” Virgil frowned, eyes narrowed in what would look like anger to others but Ethan could see the raw concern beneath it, the worry he held for his friend and he sighed, relenting and conceding ground.

 

“I thought you’d send me away.” Virgil went still and his blood ran cold in his veins as Ethan’s words sank in. Seemingly oblivious to the shock he’d just induced Ethan continued to speak, refusing to meet Virgil’s eyes. “I was already on thin ice with my history of...manipulation, this would be the last straw. Fear...it...did something to me and-“

 

“And we’re willing to work through that!” Virgil cut in, worked up beyond belief, concerned for his friend. 

 

“Then Logan came back- different- he’s the priority, he’s got to be,” Ethan continued, as if Virgil hadn’t spoken, “he was there first, I was doing okay, didn’t need to take the focus away from him- I’m doing fine alone-“ 

 

“Ethan.” Virgil’s voice was soft, quiet as not to startle the other side but it was unyielding, brooking no arguments as he spoke. “You don’t have to be alone. We’re a family and we love you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

 

“But I’m brok-”

 

“No!” Virgil’s voice cracked like a whip and Ethan flinched at the sharp noise, panic starting to rise in his eyes before Virgil’s hand against his wrist calmed him down. “I’m sorry. You aren’t broken Ethan. We can help you. You can get better.” 

 

“I-” Ethan’s voice trailed off as Virgil’s words began to sink in. He curled into his friend’s chest, craving the comfort that came with the close contact, the relief he felt at the arms that wrapped around him, grounding him and making him feel safe. Virgil pulled the blankets up to cover them both, knowing how susceptible his friend was to the cold as he began to murmur calmly in his ear, gently soothing him to sleep.

 

“We’d never send you away Ethan. Never for something like this. It isn’t your fault. You are just as important to us as Logan. We love you and you’re our family. We will always be there for you when you need us and right now you need us. We’ll be there. All of us. That’s a promise.” Ethan felt the knot of anxiety loosen in his chest at Virgil’s words. The dark shadows were still present in his mind and he refused to darken the room but the persistent fear that he was going to be left behind had eased. As Ethan slipped off to sleep Virgil felt the fear over Ethan’s mental state abate slightly as his friend’s heartbeat was rhythmic and steady as he entered a deep sleep, something he desperately needed. Virgil wrapped his arms more securely around his friend as he swore to himself that Ethan would be kept safe to heal, no matter what it cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A softer chapter because HOOOO that angst was starting to hurt me. Okay so: the reason updates have become...very sporadic is because I'm prepping for uni right now. So my schedule has fallen apart. I swear I'm still working on this story because you all deserve that happy ending dammit but right now I can't stick to a regular schedule. I'm really sorry you guys but I *promise* this work isn't abandoned, just updates aren't going to be regular anymore. I'll try and update as often as I can, thanks so much for your continuing support, it really means the world to me.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Logan grows more detached the bonds of family crack ever further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL I'M BACK!!! I realise I've been gone for so long and I am so freaking sorry but I'm pretty sure I'm settled into uni now and I'm hoping to get back into weekly updates but currently I can't promise anything but I swear I'm going to try.

Roman’s eyes slowly eased open and he patted the bed sleepily, searching for Virgil who’d been sleeping beside him, movements slow and lethargic as he blindly reached out for his boyfriend. When he couldn’t find the other side his eyes snapped open and something within him cracked slightly when he realised that Virgil had slipped away while Roman slept, slipped out of his embrace, out of the bed and further away from Roman. His eyes clouded over as fear rose within him, coiling tight around his stomach- his throat. _You frightened him away._ Roman berated himself sharply, guilt welling up in his heart. _How could you scare him like that?_ The crack he’d placed in the table flickered back into his mind, reminding him of his strength, the cracks in the plaster in his room, reminders of what he could do if he didn’t control himself, if he couldn’t keep himself in check. Roman’s mind flickered to Logan and the calm advice he’d offer, clear, concise and comforting and before he thought about it too much, he walked to Logan’s room, knocking on the door. Logan came to the door, polo perfectly pressed, not a single hair out of place, face carefully blank.

 

“What do you require Roman?”

 

“I need your advice. I fear that I cannot keep myself in check, I fear that I will hurt-” Roman was cut off by Logan before he could finish and something in his chest cracked at the eye roll that was sent his way.

 

“Let me make something abundantly clear Roman. I am not someone you should run to when you need comfort. I am not comprised of emotion as the rest of you are. I am a physical embodiment of something deeply ingrained within Thomas and the fact that you believe that I am interested in your, or frankly any of the other’s, petty issues would be laughable if I cared enough to devote time to it. I am far too busy to entertain your ridiculous fears and have better things to waste my time with should I wish. Goodbye.” The door closed abruptly and Roman was left standing outside his room, shocked and confused, unsure of where to go now, tears stinging at his eyes.

 

“Roman?” Virgil’s voice snapped him out of his stupor and he whipped around, fear bright in his eyes, a fear that sharpened at the concern in Virgil’s eyes. “Don’t run, please-” Virgil cut himself off, pulling Roman into his room, the door closing with a click behind them.

 

“How much did you hear?”

 

“Roman-”

 

“How much did you hear?!” Worry spiked in Virgil’s eyes and he hesitated once more before answering, voice quiet.

 

“All of it.” Roman felt his breath stick in his throat, terror rising within him rapidly, Virgil caught the panic beginning to steep in the air but before he could speak again, try and alleviate the panic, Roman was speaking, hands running through his hair.

 

“I never wanted you to know- how- I shouldn’t have spoken it aloud, what must you think of me? How could you trust me-” Roman’s voice cracked on the last word, tears bright in his eyes and Virgil swore his heart broke in his chest and he caught Roman in his arms as his boyfriend crumpled to the floor, trembling, tension clear in every line of his body.

 

“I cannot think less of you Roman.” The words were spoken softly, almost a whisper and Roman buried his face more deeply into his boyfriend’s chest, arms tight around Virgil and he felt a cool hand smooth across his cheekbone, wiping away the tears, offering comfort, hoping to soothe him. “I love you more than I could ever say, I trust you with my life and more, you mean-” Virgil hesitated, his stomach coiling into a tight knot at how vulnerable he was being, how easily his heart was spilling out but another look at Roman steeled his resolve, “you mean the world and more. You’re everything to me, please believe me-” Virgil felt his voice crack as he finished, trying to hold himself together, trying to be what Roman needed.

 

“Then why’d you leave?” Roman’s voice frightened Virgil, quiet, nearly inaudible, so different from his usual boisterous tone, a tiny whisper that could barely be heard even in the quiet of the room.

 

“Is that what this is about?” Virgil tilted his boyfriend’s face up to his own, forcing Roman to look him in the eyes. At Roman’s nod he felt the tight ball in his chest loosen a little, allowing the relief to spread across his face. “I didn’t leave because I was scared of you,” Roman’s eyes flickered to fixate on the floor and Virgil gently tilted his face back up to his, “Roman I swear to you. I left because Ethan needed me, I couldn’t leave him alone but I’m sorry.”

 

“What do you have to apologise for? I am the one who allowed my fears to consume me-!” Roman went silent when Virgil shook his head.

 

“I should have told you. You needed me as well and I should have given you the support you needed.”

 

“I tried to speak to Logan.”

 

“I heard.”

 

“He-” Roman’s voice wavered, “he isn’t Logan anymore.” Virgil’s heart sank in his chest but he just pulled Roman into his arms more securely until he stopped trembling. They sat for a long while, in the comforting dim light in Virgil’s room until they heard Patton calling for them, calling that dinner had been served. When they made it downstairs they saw Ethan moving the bowls from the kitchen table into the living room, and while Roman frowned at the actions Virgil realised what he was trying to do and he gathered up the glasses and moved the meal into the living room. Patton blinked as he realised everything had been moved but before he could speak Virgil pulled him into the kitchen.

 

“What’s up with this kiddo?” Patton’s voice reminded Virgil of a cheerful voice message, calculated to be as breezy as possible even as it sounded mechanical and rehearsed. 

 

“We can’t sit at that table without Logan. It has too many chairs- I- we just can’t Patton.”

 

“You and Ethan you mean?” Virgil chewed on his bottom lip as he refused to meet Patton’s eyes.

 

“Please. I know you want to pretend everything is normal but it isn’t. Logan isn’t the same and I cannot stare at that empty fucking chair anymore.” Patton nodded quietly but as they all gathered around the low table in the living room he felt something in his chest tighten as it became obvious that everything wasn’t the same. That things had changed, he wasn't as in-sync with his family as he used to be, something had been severed, maybe irreversibly.

 

Logan sat at his desk, back ramrod straight as he wrote in his notebook, focused upon his notes, each word carefully formed, looking as if each one had been typed, beautifully formed, nothing like the messy scribbles that used to decorate the walls of his room as he became passionate about gaining more knowledge. The room was sterile, lacking any kind of emotional connection, it was as if Logan slept in a jail cell, cold, impersonal and pristine. The colourful notebooks, full of carefully constructed notes on his family, notes to help them, sat high on a shelf, dusty and untouched. Logan seemed to be fine, taking down his notes carefully but behind the coldness in his eyes was a haunted desperation as Logan continued to try and break free of one of his worst nightmares, trapped within his own mind, one of his most valued traits, turned against him and perverted. Fear laughed, the noise bouncing around the prison Logan was in, a prison created by his own mind, tormenting him as he watched his family shatter because of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh this one kinda hurt me, the angst train just keeps going and going.


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An argument fractures the already struggling sides and Virgil makes his own plans while Logan seems torn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all with this chapter I have officially reached 100,000 total words on this account. V excited about that! Thank y'all so much for your patience for my erratic schedule!!!

Roman’s hands curled into tight fists as he stared at the rest of his family, standing on the other side of the table, himself and Patton facing them as they argued back and forth, getting nowhere, stuck at a stalemate. Unlike last time they had this argument, Ethan was participating but he was on Virgil’s side, cutting in to support his friend even as Patton tried to reason with them, they refused to back down. Roman shot a pleading look at Virgil, bright green eyes meeting violet, a silent request, bordering on begging but Virgil’s eyes didn’t soften, his jaw tightened, tension rising as he shook his head, nearly imperceptible. Beside him, Patton was silently trying to reason with Ethan but it was no use, neither one would back down and they continued to try and make their point.

 

“You can’t think that this isn’t enough of an emergency! You heard what Logan said to you Roman! Are you going to stand there and tell me that you think that Logan just needs time? That he’s going to be alright?”

 

“Yes!” Patton’s voice cracked as he spoke and Roman noted the tremors going through his hands, desperation colouring his tone as he continued, “I believe that Logan is going to be okay! If we just have patience he’ll come back to us.”

 

“You’re lying to yourself.” Ethan’s voice had turned silky-smooth, eyes sharp and hard, the words were spoken softly, almost hypnotically, “Logan isn’t going to get better if we just wait, we have to be proactive, not reactive-”

 

“Proactive is talking to Logan!” Roman cut in, frustration colouring his voice, making it louder and harsher than usual, Patton glanced over at him, eyes wide and Roman pulled back on his temper, smoothing out his tone, calming himself down. “Going behind his back, violating his trust, that is only going to drive us further apart.” 

 

“Letting him stay like this is worse! He’s a shell of what and  _ who _ he used to be! Why the fuck is your solution to just  _ wait it out _ ! We have to meet Fear head on!” Virgil’s tone was harsher as he got more agitated, while Ethan’s voice slipped into being slow and hypnotic Virgil’s words became more coated in venom, stinging and sharp.

 

“Virgil-” Patton’s voice cracked before he could finish but he soldiered on, “believe in Logan! If we just talk to him, not doing nothing, talking to him! Bringing him back, it would work!” Before Patton was finished speaking Virgil was shaking his head, eyes cold and hard.

 

“That won’t work.”

 

“It worked with Ethan.” Patton said softly, eyes wide and pleading but Virgil shook his head again, more vehemently this time.

 

“No it didn’t. Fear gave Ethan back to us, he wants to keep Logan and we can’t save him by talking to him, we have to know what Fear did to him-”

 

“Just because you can’t let go of your paranoid thoughts doesn’t mean we all have to subscribe to that hysteria!” Roman finally snapped out. 

 

The kitchen went silent. Deadly, tight and suffocating silence. Virgil’s eyes were wide and wet while Ethan slid an arm about his shoulders, supportive as he glared at Roman. Before anything else could happen, before Patton could try and mitigate the damage, before Roman could take his words back- apologise- anything-! Virgil spoke, voice icy cold.

 

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand, head so far up in the clouds that reality and consequence means nothing!” Roman took a step back at that, something in his chest tightening at the accusation and before anyone could say anything more Virgil was bundled off by Ethan, even as Patton called out to them, trying to minimise the damage but it was too late. The other two had disappeared up the stairs, Ethan’s arm still slung protectively around Virgil’s shoulders as he shot a venomous glare back at the other two, eyes burning with sharp fury as Virgil leaned into him, as if he couldn’t walk without support. 

 

Roman stood frozen, both sets of words playing over in his head, an endless loop of cruelty and Patton managed to grab him before he hit the floor, guiding him to a chair as he crumpled, head in his hands. Bright green eyes were glassy with tears and as his eyes slipped shut the tears began to fall down his cheeks, staining his face. Patton’s arms curled around Roman, guiding him to the sofa as he cried, tears falling like rain. Patton pulled him into his chest, holding him tight and close, reassuring and solid and warm as Roman crumpled against him. Patton felt the ache in his chest throb more harshly than usual and he held back his gasp with difficulty but he forced the pain to the back of his mind, focusing his energy on Roman, not the gut-wrenching pain in his heart.

 

“How could I say that to him?” Roman voice cracked and Patton, so used to comforting others, having it come so easily, easier than breathing some days, felt his voice dry in his throat, leaving him lost for words.  _ You need Logan _ , something deep in his heart whispered and Patton felt himself tremble, but he pulled himself together, held himself together even as he felt himself crack and splinter, held together by desperation and fear. He merely held Roman in his arms, knowing he had no reassurances to give, nothing left to say but hollow words and broken promises. All Patton could give Roman, someone who needed comfort more than anything, was his presence, not what he really needed. They stayed there on the sofa, deathly still and silent except from the soft sobs that Roman tried to muffle against Patton’s shoulder. Both were so wrapped up in their own thoughts they didn’t notice Logan pass through and pause.

 

Logan couldn’t understand why he was hesitating, Patton and Roman were indulging in theatrical hysterics, the very kind of emotional outbursts he fought so hard to avoid and reduce the likelihood of. He could hear Roman’s sorrow and somehow he could read the fragility of Patton’s calm in the slump of his shoulders and the shadows under his eyes. Somehow he knew that Patton was about to crumple, somehow he could see the pain that Patton tried to conceal in his soft brown eyes and he had the overwhelming urge to walk over and pull them both into a tight hug. He frowned, tamping down on the illogical impulse hard and walked away but he couldn’t shake the unpleasant stirring of guilt in his stomach as he heard a final choked breath before he was out of earshot.

 

Upstairs, in Virgil’s room, the other two huddled up together silently, Ethan knowing that Virgil didn’t want meaningless platitudes and reassurances that everything would turn out fine. He pulled his friend closer into an embrace, pretending not to notice the soft sniffles from Virgil, only acknowledging them enough to wipe away the tears, anger burning in his heart at the words Roman had spat out, throwing them all at each other's throats. Virgil seemed to curl in on himself and Ethan held him tightly, letting him cry but his eyes grew heavier and heavier and soon, against his will, he felt himself slip off to sleep.

 

When Virgil felt the deep steady breathing that told him Ethan was asleep he eased himself out of the embrace, freezing when it seemed like Ethan was waking up. The other side merely yawned as he re-positioned himself and Virgil slipped out of the door silently, the door closing without a creak. Virgil entered Ethan’s room and painstakingly slowly he moved the wardrobe out of the way to reveal the entryway Roman had created. Since they’d returned, they’d all been so distracted no one had remembered to ask Roman to seal it but now it served Virgil’s plan perfectly. He took a deep breath, stamping down on the frisson of anxiety that bloomed, stepping through the entryway. When he emerged he doubled over, trying to get his stomach to settle, head spinning and disorientated. He glanced up and tired violet eyes met sharp, gleaming ones.

 

“I knew you’d come.” The moment the words were whispered the world span and Virgil’s vision went blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really gotta stop hurting them...


End file.
